Leah's Heart
by sweetlemongrass
Summary: All around Leah are fairy tale endings. Vampires that live forever and werewolves that give their souls to another. But she's an outcast, a forgotten story. Yet, she holds in her heart the most enduring of loves. She just needs someone to share it with.
1. Lost in Translation

**I don't own Twilight. woot...**

1. Lost in Translation

Mom was straightening the house; Charlie was coming over, again. He'd been coming over a lot and I wasn't sure why. I guess it took me a while to finally figure out. But now it was pretty obvious. He and my mom were going to be together. My thoughts were confirmed when I heard Jake thinking the whole through after a little talk with Bella. She'd said "vampire's dad with the Werewolf's mom." It had been funny. I didn't realize why. The whole mind reading thing could really be a bitch.

Sure, I was happy for mom but...it seemed too soon. Then again I knew how lonely a person could become. Why did I have to empathize with everyone?! I just want to live my own life and be a part of something. That something did not have to be a supernatural pack of wolves on steroids. And it just had to take the one thing that I always wanted to be; a mom.

"Leah! LEAH!"

"What mom?" I was really sick of her yelling, but ever since dad died...there I go with empathizing again.

"I need you to go over to Billy's and bring him over for dinner." She called from the kitchen.

"Wait, I thought only Charlie was coming over?" I never liked being crowded. The mind-reading thing took me a lot to get used to. And our house was so small; it would feel like I was reading minds with normal humans.

"No, I decided Charlie needed something more familiar to be here too." Uhg... I hated her reasoning.

"What? You've been with him every time he went to see the half-leech and her parents. You're the only human there with him!" In truth I had started to warm up to the vampires, but they were still creepy statues of diamond flesh. At least we werewolves were still human, most of the time.

"Hey, they've done their part to get rid of those other leeches..." She didn't get to finish her sentence; the door bell sent a strident scream into the confines of our home. I sniffed the air. A rustic smell of rust and wet wood filled my nostrils,

"Don't worry, it's Billy." Why was he here? Wasn't I supposed to pick him up?

My mom sighed, deeply, trying to send all the negative thoughts in her head outside her body with a simple expulsion of air. Her breath was almost visible it seethed so badly. When she let Billy there was a slight odor of sweet perfume on him. Probably residue from Jacob. Nothing I couldn't handle. But unfortunately my hands were already trembling from my most recent thoughts about the leeches. I could feel shivers take over my arms and travel down my back to the back of my thighs. This was not going to be a good day.

_No, you can't take me now. However much you want to get away from this situation_. The corners of my mouth tightened, trying to hang on.

_Ah, come on brain, work WITH me now._ The tremors murmured and twitched my body and almost jumped in anticipation. My hands dug into the counter.

_Ahhhh..._ They stopped. I opened my eyes and noticed mom and Billy were both staring at me. Not with fear but with compassion and a longing to help. There's nothing they can save me from now. I was a female werewolf, a freak. I'd die, later, and nothing would be left of me besides some forgotten flesh and a legend about a barren she-wolf. I was screaming and crying in my head. I couldn't force Jake or any one else to listen to this nonsensical ramble about something that wouldn't happen for a long, long time. I felt the vampire's pain then. Not aging was a huge bell ringer for anything not human.

I could blame not aging on a growth spurt and "traditional herbal moisturizers". But after...ten? That might be pushing it, maybe eight years... I'd have to move. So would Jake, but he was so in love, he wouldn't care. I had nothing. My mom, my brother, Billy, my pack would have to pass away. My dad was already in...wherever the hell he was; I didn't know what to believe anymore. Did Jesus say anything about vampires? Or werewolves? Or strange combinations between them and humans?

Great, now I'm fucking depressed. I guess it's better than being about to turn into a horse-sized carnivore on some of the only family I had. Luckily Billy started talking; a good distraction in a shook-up world of insanity.

"Sorry Sue, but I just had to try some of your fish fry before Charlie got a chance to work on it." His smile was infectious. Unfortunately I don't get sick anymore. I forced the corners of my mouth to drag themselves up under the weight of my tired eyes. Runs, also, could be a bitch. No one else was suffering because they weren't doing the runs as religiously as I was. But I wasn't running for vampires, I was running from, I hate to admit, my life. Seriously, the "I'm a werewolf, here me roar" gets really boring. But throw in some vampire action, a demon child-my smile became genuine as I thought of my private nickname for Nessie-and THEN some werewolves and you got yourself a pretty insane home life.

What did I have to do to make my chaotic life just a bit less stressful?

_Maybe I should take up some feng shui..._I laughed pitifully. The mere thought of something so mundane in a time like this caused that choked laugh to escape my throat. Of course no one else found this a time to be referred as "a time like this". But then again. Their lives had fallen so perfectly into place. Most of the other werewolves had imprinted and were just happy to wait for their imprints to grow up, or get married and live with them until they died. Jacob and Bella were also ecstatic to be with their loved ones for forever. Literally, FOREVER.

Anger pulsed through me as bile surged into my mouth. I looked like I had Parkinson's, fumbling for a glass and trying, futile, to fill it and bring it to my lips. The first round of water half spilled onto my shirt and the other half did little to flush the taste of acid off my tongue.

Billy wheeled over to me, sympathetic, and said, "Hey kid, if this isn't a great time I could tell Charlie Sue's not felling good, and we could watch the game." He was so gentle with his hate. I was puking in my mouth, but he didn't say MUCH when Jake imprinted on Nessie. I should have been more empathetic! I was inside in his head for God's Sake! And apparently I was empathizing with everyone now!

In truth I was jealous of what everyone else had. Even my mom was going to be hooking up with Charlie soon. It seemed everyone the Cullens touched was filled with happiness. Except me. How ironic. The cold, pale, lifeless ones finally brought life to the dreariness that was Forks/La Push. But I closed my eyes, waiting for the tremors to die. Waiting for me to wake up from this nightmare.

When I opened my eyes, I was calmer. I had had my hate for the day. Besides, no vampires in La Push. And I couldn't stop mom from being with Charlie. I didn't want to do that to her. So I turned to her and speaking softly I enunciated every word, "No, I'm fine." I tried to look sincere, but my eyes were glazed over. "It'll be alright."

I could do this. There was no question of that. Charlie didn't bother me at all. But whenever I looked at him I saw Bella, her happiness, the incredible irony of that coming with being a vampire, and me. Someone who would give themselves to the birth of something greater then them. Not that I would ever have anything like that. Not that I could. Nope, bring Charlie on.

I could hear the cruiser approaching at least a mile away. I could be three miles away by the time he got here if I started running now. But I was frozen in place, too scared to move. The tremors were gone but I did not want to risk anything. My hands were about to break the glass still in my hand. God knows mom didn't need to replace anything more than she already had. Having two teenage werewolves bursting out of their skin all the time did not have a positive impression on the dishware. Or anything else delicate, or sturdy for that matter.

I calmly went to the sink, got another glass of water, and felt the burn as the acid flowed down my throat. I wasn't even calm anymore, just, animated. Like a puppet. I laughed bitterly to myself.

_Here's your life, some strings attached. Ha._

The cruiser was pulling into our driveway. There were no more tremors; I really didn't have any idea of why I was being so irascible. Maybe a hot flash was coming on. God this was so awkward, having two menopausal women in on house. And one of those was a teenager. Another surge of acid forced its way up into my mouth. It wasn't so bad now, being diluted with the water I just drunk. It was almost sweet. I wonder if vampire venom would be sweet if it was diluted.

I shuddered at the thought of getting anywhere near a situation like that. I really needed to work on my filter for my thoughts. Not just for Jacob and the pack, but for me as well.

Charlie rang the doorbell merely for courtesy, he knew we could hear his cruiser as he pulled up to the house, his boots crunch the soggy gravel and I could even smell him. Uhg, straight from the Cullen's. I wrinkled my nose when the smell of THEM invaded my abused nasal cavities. My burned out temper smoldered once again when I saw Billy and Mom staring at me, waiting for my reaction to the smell. They could smell the vampires on them too, but they cringed only after their brain made the connection from the sweet, sweet odor to vampire. Did they think that I was going to burst- no pun intended- every time I came in contact with anything vampire?

I should be more grateful but it's hard when you're already drowning in self-pity just for your family pour some more of theirs on.

Another strident scream from the doorbell pierced through my train of thought. It was for the best. Mom walked over to the door, trying not to be too excited, but the way she opened the door showed she wished she could walk straight through it. I probably could. Straight into Charlie's arms. It was a sweet reunion. I call it that because Mom acted like she hadn't seen Charlie for months. Charlie was more discrete about his affection, but you could tell it was there.

They hugged sweetly, with Charlie putting his chin on Mom's forehead and both of them swaying to the other's movements. A lump rose in my throat. It was so, human. I wasn't sure if I was going to smile or cry. I wasn't sure what I was going to cry about. God damn hormones. I would personally find Mother Nature and kill her for giving the female sex such mood swings. Or at least make sure she got her share of PMS in the near future.

As Mom broke the hug, Charlie kissed her on the forehead and moved over to Billy with a smirk on his face, "Hey old man, trying to beat me to the fish fry?"

I was surprised when Billy laughed - Billy was still refusing to go to the hospital, and now that Charlie and Carlisle were family, Charlie took it personally - and retorted, "I tried, but apparently I can't pull anything over Ol' Gramps." Billy's smile grew so large even I couldn't resist breaking into one of my own.

Charlie's face turned into a jocose fighting pose. "Hey, this Grandpa can whip you." He raised his hands up to his face in a guard position and bounced back and forth. All four of us laughed and then Charlie mock punched Billy's shoulder. It felt good to laugh. Like a burden dissipated off my back and was replaced by wings. But no one could lift this grounded angel back to heaven.

Again I was released from my morbidity by Charlie's beautiful ignorance. "Hey, where's Seth?"

With Jake and the pack and Sam and his pack, dueling. Despite the events in the past few months, Jake and Sam were determined to stay friends. And apparently there was no better way to do that then to wrestle in the woods. I didn't feel like unleashing my anger on my friends. They might be larger and stronger than me, but I was faster, smaller and more agile. While they would hurdle themselves at me, I would run under them and jump at their throat. I was afraid I might not be able to control myself and end up ripping Collin or Jared's throat out. Leave them bleeding, hopefully they would be able to heal from that.

But some small, miniscule part of my embers of hate cried to me that I didn't want them to heal. That I should keep tearing out their bellies. Feel the blood slide down my tongue, on the ground, over my teeth, down my own throat.

I shuddered at the thought of killing my brothers. But that voice rejoiced in the dreams that I kept even from myself.

My own little monster.

"He's out with the guys." I noticed the words coming out of my mouth even while I was plotting the deaths of my family. I was disgusted with myself. All of the sudden the wolf in me was a force of sheer power. There was no grace in its movements. Just pure power. A conduit for all this rage in me that had no reason to exist at all.

"Oh..." The words hung in the air, begging to be shattered by anything. Charlie had a sheepish look on his face. I swear it reddened for a moment and then snapped back to his normal color. I don't think I'd ever seen him blush. Not like his daughter, who would never feel the blood rush to her face, or anywhere else for that matter, again. Maybe she'd made up for it in her past life. He muttered an embarrased, "Need to know?"

I thought for a moment and then responded a little tenitivly, not sure of my answer, "Ya, a little." Guys still wrestled when they were human, right? But these were huge, horse sized wolves we were talking about. So ya, a little.

Charlie's face reddened for a second longer and then walked back to mom. A curiosity I had had for a long time finally became too much for me to hold onto any longer,

"Hey, are you two guys going to get married or something like that?" Instead of freezing up, like I thought they would have, Mom just looked at me and then at Charlie,

"Huh, do you want to get married?" Charlie looked a surprised, I thought because he wasn't really thinking about marriage, but nothing was very predicable in this town.

"Did you just propose to ME?" A gentle banter was sparkling in his eyes. "No, I can't have that," Mom's smile dropped off her face and dripped onto the floor. Charlie was suddenly very serious and his body language was strained and awkward. I nearly passed out when he descended to one knee and looked deeply into Mom's eyes.

Mom's smile ran back up her leg and became a beautiful expression of surprise and joy. Heart breaking joy. Mine cracked. Billy must have heard because he was staring at me with the oddest expression.

"Sue Clearwater," He paused, fumbling through his pockets, and regaining his courage. I could smell his fear. Of rejection? Of public speaking? Billy and I were hardly and audience. But maybe I was. He saw how horribly I reacted to Nessie and Bella. How would I react to him becoming family? How would I react to Bella and Nessie becoming family?

Pretty well actually. The tremors were not from anger. Or even from the wolf inside me. That would not go well.

_Oh, how did Sue take your proposal?_

_Excellent. She even said yes._

_Oh, well why are you in a body cast now?_

_Well it turns out that Leah is actually a werewolf and the fact that being family with some vampires was just too much to handle._

_Oh, Wait...What?_

_Oh, nothing._

I was trembling because I was almost about to pass out. Of course my werewolf enhanced body would have nothing of the sorts and now I was literally battling myself for control. To pass out or not to pass out. That was the battle but the war was so much more. I was ecstatic for my mom. She would be happy and that would warm my overheated heart.

When Charlie was finished fumbling through his coat pocket, he produced a silver ring with a modest sized diamond attached. The band was made of two intractably woven coils of silver. It was beautiful in its simplicity. A tear escaped the confines of my eye, leaving a trail of moisture on my cheek.

I looked over at Billy; a similar trail of moisture was on his cheek too. But with all of his wrinkles, most of the tear was lost in the ridges of his face. It was an odd sight, I always thought of Billy as the wise old chief who never lost his sense of humor. To see him in this...human moment was not necessarily unnerving but rather, just odd.

Charlie cleared his throat. A new wave of fear met my nose. It was almost enough to ignore the offending scent of his more direct family. He was past the point of no return, but his resolve was wavering.

"Sue Clearwater, will you marry me?" Relief spread across both his and mom's face once he'd said those six words.

Mom was nearly crying as well, but she was always good at controlling her emotions. Or at least not letting them get in the way. So I at least, for one of the occasions tonight, was not surprised when her voice rang clear as she said,

"Yes," The look on Charlie's was one of relief and happiness. The look on Billy's was one of humor. I knew he was also thinking of the irony of "werewolf's mom with vampire's dad".

I could hardly take it anymore. I hugged mom and...future dad, I guess, gave Billy a light kiss on the forehead - he would also always be a father figure to me - and started taking off my shirt even before I was out of Charlie's view and ripped off my pants before leaving the house. I was pretty sure Charlie was still staring at me, wondering what the hell I was doing, but then I jumped out the back door, into the air and phased in the middle of my jump. I heard Charlie gasp as he realized what I was, but right now I couldn't care less.

My legs moved mechanically of their own accord. I didn't feel much. Except a burning desire to belong to something besides a group of supernatural wolves. I wanted to belong with someone.

Self pity started to saturate the cracks of my heart. I would never feel like mom did, or Jacob, or Bella, or anyone in my direct family. Their lives were too fucking perfect. All meshed into place. I was the outsider. A desecration upon their perfect tapestry of life. I was too empty to love like they did.

Bella had belonged to someone, they left. Then Jake filled that gap. I had belonged to someone, but I had no one to fill my gaping wound. All that was in me drained out. Leaving me broken, devoid of life. I had to fix myself. I was working on it. Bella was ripped into two, the other half leaving with Edward. I had been gouged out. Like a spoon, scooping my insides out. But they were still there, and I had to scoop them back up. I had done that. Now all that was left were my stitches.


	2. Screw this

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. Don't sue me.**

2. Screw this

It only took me a second to catch the thoughts of my pack mates. Seth was the first one to see what had just transpired, and what my intentions were.

_Ah come on Leah, it's not that bad._

_No it's not. I kind of like Charlie._

_Then why are you running?_ His voice was sweet. Loving. His voice made me feel safe, so I let my thoughts pour out. Self pity be damned.

_Oh..._ He was taken aback by all the things I had bottled inside me. It felt good to release everything. Like a cork being sprung out of a bottle of champagne. I wasn't even ashamed of the pain, the want to kill my brothers, my hate. But now it meant nothing. It was nothing. I was a wolf. A gigantic, unnatural one, but still, all the instincts were there; leading me to no where. Exactly where I wanted to be. It was not like Jake who wanted to needed to get away from the pain, I just needed to heal.

That's when the others realized what I was doing. And what I was thinking.

_Holy shit!_ Embry was shocked at how I could become a killer, so easily too.

Jake was more passive. _It happens to all of us, have a nice trip. I'll need to congrat Charlie, if he's out of that coma._

Quil went along with Jake. _Yeah you probably gave him a heart attack._

I winced at the memory of dad.

_Ass _I whined.

_Sorry._ Since we felt each other's feeling we were more understanding towards each other. There's another word for that! EMPATHY! God, was I creating a new motto for myself? Peace, Love and Understanding! Bring down the government! Uhg!

So I ran.

I ran from everything I wanted to get away from. Every reminder of what Sam and I had, my human nature to care about nothing. I ran to sweat of all the cares I had, about humans, werewolves, vampires, and halflings, off my weary mind.

So I ran from everything and nothing.

And I ran.

And ran.

ran

and just ran

Soon my thoughts melded together into a singular idea of survival. I ate when I was hungry; eating raw hardly bothered me anymore, drank when I was thirsty and slept when I was tired. Otherwise I was on the move. I ran to get the farthest away from my life that could be filled with joy if I tried, and forgot it. Forgot anything that had to do with werewolves, vampires and anything else supernatural. For all I knew I was another wolf. A lone wolf. Without a mate. Alone in the world.

Or so I thought.

I woke (I had no idea how long I had been gone. Days blended into nights and nights were all the same) to a smell that caused my hairs to stand on end even before I was fully conscious, vampire. I smelled deeper, almost popping my sinus cavities. It was familiar, but my werewolf had become too much a part of me. I crouched to the ground, ears flattened, hind legs ready to pounce and crept over to my target. I stayed upwind and at least twenty feet away so I was practically invisible to even vampire senses.

Then I saw my target, well the back of her. Why was she here? This was nature; it had no place for such perfect hunters. They caught any prey they set after, nothing in nature worked like that. Nature is all about trial and error. Even I made mistakes when I hunted.

I was personally offended; I had become part of nature now, and this desecration had intruded my home. I muffled a growl in my throat. I needed to be silent. Power and adrenaline flooded into my blood and made my tiny body (in comparison to the power in me) weightless. And yet, I felt no rage, why be angry when it made things messy? No, I turned that anger into more encouragement. Encouragement to rid the world of a murderer.

_An eye for an eye..._

Feeling my legs find support, I readied and built all the power in my legs and jumped.

I was flying, or maybe I was falling, and landed on this creature's stone back. No blood flowed into my mouth when I bit this thing's neck. All there was a crunch and some screaming. Then nothing. I smiled to myself, I had destroyed a nightmare. But my curiosity needed something more. I flipped the broken carcass and howled in defeat when the eyes staring through me were Esme's. God bleeding DAMMIT!

_...makes the whole world blind._

If I had to kill any of the Cullens those at the bottom of my list would be Esme and Carlisle. They were the only two that hadn't taken any human life. Besides Bella, but she had plenty of time to screw up and no one knew Alice before Jasper. Esme was so sweet, even though she smelled like death took a holiday with some friends and she was one of them. I couldn't take her from her family, and visa versa.

I was a little reluctant to phase out, I was so used to fur and four legs. But as my legs stood tall and strong I realized that I was me, no matter what animal. I picked up her head (it was kind of detached right now...) and held it up against her neck. Horror was all I felt as her head slowly reattached itself to her body; it made an unnatural grinding sound, like sandpaper on stone, as they fused together. But as the reattachment became more complete her eyes focused on what was actually around her. Then her eyes blinked. That was my cue to let go and back away.

Confusion was engrained upon her face when she saw me standing there.

"Leah? What happened?"

_Another vampire popped out of nowhere and I just happened to be in the neighborhood when he decapitated you?_ No, that would be too unlikely and had follow-up. I sighed,

_Honesty IS the best policy._

"Uhg..._cough_...I..._cough..._" My voice was rough and strained as I spoke for the first time since Charlie proposed to Mom.

"Sorry, I, uh, got carried away..." She was still a little confused, but she knew it had to do with her blackout.

"I smelled you." A little click went off in her eyes but was taken a back by something.

"You tried to kill me?" Her voice rang true, like this wasn't too big a surprise. Oh god, she though I had meant to attack her. God damn these sensitive vampires. Can't see anything beyond what goes into their eyes.

"No, I just didn't see your face, and your smell, it's been too long." Her face softened into what I called "soft mom eyes". She breathed deeply, just an acting skill, or maybe it still was comforting to her even being a vampire.

"Yes, it's been a long two months." She sound troubled.

"Wait, what's going on?" Did Charlie get into an accident? More vampires? Oh Jesus, I shouldn't've left. Esme looked at me, my troubled face and quickly added,

"No, nothing is happening, but...we miss you." She sounded serious. And she had a "you should come home" look that added perfectly with the "soft mom eyes".

"Really?" I couldn't've been missed that much. And home didn't sound any different than it had two months ago. A shockwave hit me like a cannon shot straight through my stomach. In the end it really wasn't too surprising; I was home. These trees, this earth, I breathed in, completely dismissing the vampire in my midst and smelled growth, decay, life and death. I wasn't happy. Happiness is irrelevant in the end to life. I was content. Someday I'd go back, someday. But not now.

Esme was puzzled by my reaction, but still answered my unnecessary question, "Yes, we do." With a smile she added,

"Even Nessie is worried about you." The little demon child worried about a werewolf besides Jacob? Huh, maybe I was part of this family. I'd hold that in my heart but till then,

"Okay, see you in a while." I knew what I was going to do. Esme didn't and was stunned by my response. She looked destroyed.

_Oh come on woman, you can't save us all._ Did everyone think I was going to drown in depression?

_That's Bella._ I couldn't help laughing at this completely inappropriate joke at this inappropriate time. Esme was even more stunned and, ha, a little angry.

"What is it?" Her face was now in the "where were you, I called you five times!" look.

"It's just, I'm not going to freeze up here. I'm fine." I still had a stupid smile on my face. But Esme's "where were you blah, blah..." face now turned into a "WHAT THE..." face when she looked down onto my nakedness.

"My dear! Aren't you cold?" She immediately reached for her completely unnecessary jacket. My hand caught hers in mid-reach. Another stupid grin slithered onto my face.

_Aren't you?_

"No, please. It'd just get shredded to bits." I was floating, euphoric, and acting like an idiot. Oh, well. Esme wasn't one to badger.

"Well, if you ever get lonely,"-er-"just come back home." A dazzling smile left me with the impression she was okay with my decision.

"Where will home be for you guys?" I asked sheepishly. That smile died right on her face.

"In a year or two we'll be moving to Alaska. Carlisle is getting a little nervous about people adding numbers in their heads and coming up with suspicions." Then I'll be heading to Alaska soon. Maybe later, after I see Mom, Charlie and the pack(s).

I'd visit for a while, and then move on. They'd even have clothes for me. Not that I minded being naked, but polite society dictates that I must be fully clothed to appear in public. If only people could get over their insecurities, this world would be such an awesome place. Hell, I live off a diet of rabbit and dear, raw. I was a wood's woman now.

I should be the next Bigfoot. Even though I'm a werewolf. Huh, I wonder if that legend started with Jacob's ancestors? They are really, really tall. Huh...

"So will we be seeing you?" Esme's voice snapped me back into reality. A reality surrounded by green trees, gentle flowers and a slow, peaceful slide into the unknown. Did she say something?

Probably... Oh, now I remember!

Hope glistened and burned in her Saturn colored eyes. Then that planet blew up, two down, six to go.

"Of course." Another big bang happened and Saturn was recreated. Earth was still the same. Shit.

I realized my hate for these vampires was placed in a legend I had been force fed for over two years now. The Cullens weren't so bad. The Volturi, those you should be friggin' scared of. So I grabbed Esme with all the love in my body and hugged the...unlife? out of her. She was stiff and stunned at first but then she hugged me back with almost as much intensity as I had. Esme was probably scared she would break me. I broke the hug and she had the "my baby's all growed up now!" look floating in those Saturn eyes o' hers.

"I'll check in now and again but don't expect a fruit basket. Otherwise you'll get a dead dear in your kitchen." I stated matter o' factly. But Esme laughed a laugh from her...middle (did vampires still have organs?), her gut area, if she were still human. It felt good to make someone laugh again.

"Say why did you come up here?" I asked her. Something to remember, a twinkle in a vampire's eyes in NEVER a good thing.

"Oh, just checking on you. I owe Jacob one." That twinkle reminded me of a star about to go into a supernova.

"How?"

"Well I wanted to get out of the house, find some new inspiration for Jake and Nessie's Cottage"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! How long have I been gone?" I interrupted. Jake and Nessie weren't getting married for at least another nine years. Why was Esme planning their cottage now?

"Only two weeks. Don't worry, I'm just getting ideas. Jake is going to wait till Nessie is ten before they get married. But you can never be too prepared. Alice is even planning the wedding." She seemed so confident, it unnerved me. Again my thoughts came to me, but I kept these ones inside. Who knows what might become of them.

_Isn't it a boring life to have everything planned out and perfect? Life is supposed to be surprising and spontaneous._

But again I kept these to myself. Esme was too happy to be discouraged. Rather she was too happy for me to ruin it all. So I put the dumb smile on my face and gave her one last hug.

"It was great to see you again! Send my love back home!" And then I left. I didn't even see her wave good-bye. I grabbed my shirt but alas, there was none. I had hardly ever phased without taking my clothes off, to do it naked was, freeing.

And then I was running, again. Running from all that I had seen, a vampire family perfectly planned out and living each day like the last and believing they still are living a full life. Jake had a good idea. Run, and run. At least he wasn't repeating day after day after bleeding day. Now with Nessie, hopefully he would travel and keep running, with her.

I sprang into the air, leaping at least twenty feet into the air, trying to fly away from perfection. I didn't want to be a part of anything, expected. I phased, twisting around myself and landing on the wet ground I ran. I ran away from Esme and the horrible feeling her manipulations of life left in the pit of my breast. I ran away from the setting sun, and all the destruction seething from it. No way was I running toward that monstrous being, I ran toward the rising sun. One that hadn't been born yet, and toward the waning moon. But I was running towards meaningless hope that would leave me blistered and bleeding from my tired legs and bruised lips. One that nothing on this earth would let me live for. A hope that left all that I was as a withered pulp for a soul.

But there was another hope I had. One that was like a single ember glowing, fighting to use all the energy it had left to just stay alive. I wasn't dying but my faith in humanity was. Was the vampire just an extreme version of ourselves? I didn't want to say yes but that ember smoldered brighter and brighter and then it burned the walls I had constructed in my soul down. My eyes snapped shut and I galloped through the forest dodging trees just before the whiskers on my muzzle scratched them. I was lost, more than that, I was panicked.

What the hell was I? Was I just as inhumane as the vampire? I was more than some vampires. But when Jacob came back we all saw the fire in his eyes. It blazed nearly as violently as the blood in Bella's. Had he become just as much a monster as those he had hated for so long? Maybe...

My eyes burst open as I hit open water. What the hell? Shit, this was the Pacific Ocean. Apparently, I by-passed Alaska and was heading straight over to Russia.

Huh, that could work. Lots of trees, no humans (which meant no vampires) and lots of room to run around in. It'll work.

Screw fire, screw ice, screw perfection and screw the emptiness I felt in my heart. The Cullens were lovely people but besides being immortal (and apparently REALLY good sex), they were boring. Sure, they angered the superpower of the vampire world once in a while but they even expected that. I prayed for Jake and Nessie to be different, sense blood poured through their veins but spending so much time with people like that influences you in the worst way. I'm not even talking about semi-cannibalism on Nessie's part. I wanted her to live. She is alive; Jake is too, Edward and family are not.

Maybe I was praying for Nessie not to be like me. Alive in a physical body and yet so dead inside. Not zombie-like as Bella was but something wasn't there anymore. It wasn't Sam, it was the feeling I had felt for him. Love was so bitter when it abandoned you. Yet was so sweet when it was there.

A burning feeling creped through my feet, up my legs and into my chest cavity. Not a good sign. But land was in sight, my home for a while. So I pumped harder and cursed my doggy-paddle. Suddenly, walking on dry land was not looking to be in my near future anymore.

_Just breath, the midnight air will do you well._

_I'm drowning in what I won't be._

_Duct tape and throw me into the sea..._

_...you can't save me now._

Various song lyrics ran through my mind. Not one of them having a happy ending. But there didn't need to be a happy ending for me. I was content, lost but it was worth it. Even if I was lost in the labyrinth of my own mind.

Finally my paws scrapped hard rock. I barreled out of the water that had numbed me to my very core. Still I wouldn't die. Not that I wanted too but I felt trapped again. Even death could not break me out of my cage.

That was almost my last coherent thought before I passed out. My very last one was,

_Hey, I've never smelled that before._

**Funky huh, you won't guess what it is. Well Quina, you got it.**


	3. Beginning Heresy

**I don't own Twilight. I HAVE killed someone in my past life though. When I was a chipmunk.**

3. Beginning Heresy

Cold, draining water sucked at my very soul. Thrashing, kicking and howling was all I could do to stop the numbness from encountering my heart; forcing it to stop. So I fought with everything left in me just to swim to...no where. There was no where to go. So I swam to stop the numbness. But it crept closer to my heart with every stroke I could muster.

It crept up my muscles, tendons and stuck to my bones. I filled my lungs with cold air and ended up with more water in my body to fight against. The cold looked so embracing I almost let go. And yet I continued to hang on, doing my bleeding doggy paddle so futily now. My heart beat furiously, trying to warm my withered body up again.

Please...Not yet, no, not now, someday...no! Not when I've got...nothing to show for it. I chanted.

No, no, not today, no... But I was losing. My eyes, laden with weariness, fell upon themselves and I was left to struggle by myself. Left alone in the blackness of my mind. I was tired, maybe falling away was the path for me.

_NO!_ I was too young. I wasn't going to be "old" until I was around eighty, and I'd still be twenty-four.

_NO!_ I wasn't going to fall away. I was going to keep my head above water. I was going to grow old.

Then I gasped. The cold touched my heart with a single icy finger pleading me to sleep.

_Please, my friend, you're tired. Come and rest. You won't feel pain anymore._

After the adrenaline shock faded away, the waves died and the cold was gone. I was gone as well. All was calm.

I floated into the depths of my sea and closed my eyes. I gasped, forcing more water into my lungs through my nose and mouth. It's salty burn was welcomed gladly in my open eyes and all around my throat and nose. The pain was the only thing telling me I was alive.

"HAHG!" My voice was strained and ended in a horrible coughing fit. Why the fuck had I decided to take a dip in a friggin' Pacific Ocean and head over to Russia? My throat was terribly dry but luckily I had conveniently emerged near a river emptying into the ocean.

_Don't worry. _I shook myself and crawled into a sitting position.

_It was just a dream._ Still my heart was pounding and I couldn't shake of the feeling of foreboding. I ran my hands through my hair and sat there breathing. It felt good; the air was clean. But it smelled of salt. The burn in my throat flared. God, I was thirsty.

I walked over to the running water and cupped my hands to lift the water to my mouth. I stared confused at my hands.

When had I phased? Certainly not when I emerged from my little swim across an ocean. During my sleep? I hadn't heard of anyone doing such a thing, but who had any idea about pretty Nessie coming along? Oh, well.

Reaching down into the water I shivered internally from it's cold touch. I almost imagined it creeping up my arm and forcing me back down into my nightmares. I threw it away denying it any chance of taking me down. But the burn in my throat forced me to pick it back up and drink it up. However, in my mouth and down my throat, it's temperature was welcomed with open arms as it doused the fire and cleansed my tongue from the salt.

Once the salt in my mouth was gone I noticed how I felt my skin would crack to pieces because an entire layer of it was salt that had matted together in my coat. So very reluctantly, I stepped into the water. I thought that it would scare the crap out of me because of my dream but I wasn't too disturbed by the water anymore because this was fresh water, not a salty ocean.

I submerged myself, waiting for the water to carry all the filth on my body away. When it felt time I sprang from the river and let the water drip off me. Like an insect, my old skin crumbled around me and I was born anew. Maybe I was born again, figuratively. I really didn't know. It's too hard to tell when your whole life changes in a fit of panic and confusion.

But now, here and being like this I did feel new. I felt like all the barriers and walls of oppression that had been built around me and the ones I had built by myself were tore down and I was able to go on and on in open freedom and just run. I had been running through those walls my entire life and I felt that just because a wall was there meant I could and should break it down. But no. There didn't have to be ANY walls constricting me from things that I had previously thought "evil" or "weird. I could whisk them away and there would be nothing. And that thought comforted me.

I came out of my internal revelation and noticed the beauty of where ever the hell I ended up. It was a lovely forest. The pines had all of their needle and looking in excellent health but all the others had shed their leaves for the season. They were left rotting on the forest floor. I could even hear mice creating burrows for themselves in them.

_Was winter coming so soon?_ Then I remembered how north I had come.

I stared into my auburn hands, pondering. What the hell was I going to do now?

_Live, I guess._ I shrugged. I guess that's all I can do now.

The rushing water around me brought my mind back to the present, again. Staring down into my hands, I noticed how gently the water on them was falling away, trickling down my arms and gathering around my elbow.

I laughed. Not for any reason but besides the fact that I had been so ignorant of the beautiful wonder of my own body. I'm not even talking sensually.

I was amazed by the way my fingers moved to my every desire with just a simple electric shock coming from my brain (I actually learned something in Biology?). I was completely absorbed with myself.

So completely absorbed in myself I didn't notice crunching of leaves and heavy breathing coming from the underbrush directly behind me. I flared my nostrils and smelled deeply.

My eyes widened to I a point I could hardly believe myself. A click went off in my head towards when I had passed out last night. I smelled it right before I had lost consciousness. It was intoxicating. Sweet, woodsy, sort of like fresh pine after a huge storm and a brush full of lilacs. It wasn't like what we werewolves smelled like (we did smell a little like wet dog).

_So this is what humans feel when they smell vampires._

What the hell was I thinking? I sounded like an eight year-old in love! I was friggin' in my twenties! But I could hardly contain myself.

Where the hell was that smell coming from? I needed to find it. I NEEDED to. But I had learned through my time here (in the nature that is) is that fast, jerky movements only implied aggression. So I walked calmly out of my current bath tub and, not even facing the smell, I walked in the general direction of the crunching leaves. I nearly fell on my knees and started encasing my self in the aroma of whatever the hell had entered my nasal cavities. I was fucking drunk on it!

What the hell it that? It was so bleeding good. It quite literally pained me not to run up to the brush and unearth the thing that had such a wonderful scent. But no, I needed to show it I meant no harm. I was growing impatient with my own slow pace.

_Come on out! Please!_ I smiled.

_I don't bite!_ But apparently this thing couldn't read minds.

_Dammit!_

Finally I was so fed up with this temptation I called out,

"Who's there?" A gruff bark was all I got for a response.

"Jake?" Why the hell would he be here? But nothing happened, and no one moved. It almost pained me to say the next name but,

"Sam?" And then after I had said it, I felt nothing.

Nothing? Nothing at all? Huh, maybe I was over him. That hole in my chest, I noticed now, wasn't there anymore. Apparently my stitches had healed. My scars were still there but I would always have that. Might as well wear them with pride, no sense in covering them up. Then the wondrous odor screamed at me to pay some attention to it.

I took another deep breath, and almost passed out because of the strength it held.

"Who IS there?" My cheeks flushed a little. I was sounding just as intoxicated as I felt. Luckily for me I had my natural skin color to hide so of that color.

Why WAS I intoxicated? The smell was making head spin in the perfect direction but that's all. And all it did was bark at me.

Was I talking just to a plain ol' wolf? That would be even creepier than Jake and Nessie.

That gruff bark was all that answered me again.

_Uhg. _I sighed. I was fully under the influence of this...wolf.

_Shit._

"Please, come out." Still nothing. God, I could feel the tremors tremble across the back of my hand. Not from anger but rather from the annoyance of this wolf. And (though I hate to admit it) the annoyance of my sudden insanity.

"I won't not bite." Silence...

Had the wolf left? No. It's scent was just as potent as before. And just as intoxicating. Would I ever break out of this creature's spell? Did I want to?

_No._ I confessed to myself sheepishly.

"Please let me see you." Still silence...

Damn you. If they were not going to show themselves I would go to them. Not in my human form though. I phased right there. My spine shot out to form a tail and my feet grew to accommodate my smaller thighs (in proportion). I was still a small horse-sized wolf. My favorite part of the phase was the feeling of my teeth growing. It might sound a little morbid but now nothing made me happier than ripping my meals apart with my teeth. It would also sound like a huge understatement to say that eating raw no longer bothered me anymore. My tongue danced along them, reveling in the feeling of their smooth gleam.

I felt no pain during the process because the wolf was just another part of me. It was me, and I was the wolf.

Instead of the enduring silence that I had expected a throaty gasp emitted from the brush. Then I heard more crunching of leaves; toward ME!

I lied down on the ground, thinking he would have to stare up at my tall stature from a four-foot tall one of a normal wolf.

This was way worse than Jake. At least Nessie was mostly human. I was pleading for a regular wolf to talk with me. God, I was even more of a freak than just being a female WEREWOLF! Jesus, I was about to stand up and run away in shame when the current object of my ideology walked out of the bushes.

I jumped back onto my feet and rumbled a growl as the fur on the back of my neck sprung straight up. This was no regular wolf...

And it was WAY worse than Jake and Nessie.

He stood on two feet and stretched about eight feet into the air. His face was elongated to compensate for his extended muzzle and all the teeth that were packed in there. His ears were triangular and had tuffs of fur tipping them to help him hear. And his eyes, god they were absolutely gorgeous. They were completely black; from pupil to the outskirts of where the whites of his eyes SHOULD be. It made him look like he was possessed but I didn't know how to describe that I felt he was perfect in every way. For me at least. Even his height was just right for me.

He was so tall he surpassed my height by two feet but I was still much larger than him in shear body mass. I would be concerned about his strength if I didn't already know how strong he was.

He was holding me to the very fabric of the universe. I was no longer floating in my confusion of what the hell I was and who the hell I should be. I was here and it finally made perfect sense. Life didn't need to be the endless searching for meaning. It could be so much more. I had found the meaning to life so long ago but didn't realize what it was until now. All I wanted was to help people. Before I came up here that meant I was to kill every last vampire on the face of this planet. But now, I realized my tactics would have to be a bit more subtle. But that could be figured out later. Right now all I knew was that I had found my true home. Anywhere on earth was home as long as he was near me.

_Wait!?_

When the fuck had I become such a "I must find my man! For he completes me!" woman? I was a bleeding independent person who could be just as much a human being by myself as I could with any partner I took. But something else happened inside me. This was one of those "I am me, total and complete, because this part was always missing" moments. I could see the same revelation in this "real" werewolf's eyes as well. Those black eyes shone in the sunlight like he hadn't seen that very sun in ages. I felt their warm cascading down upon my eyes and straight into my soul.

I needn't be frightened of this...man, surely there was a man underneath all of his fur. But again, I needed to show him that I meant no aggression. So I slowly sat on my haunches and began to stand up on my back legs even before the phase was complete. He watched my every change with spark in his eye. An interest that I might have found creepy but in his eyes, it was flattering.

I walked slowly to him, his midnight black fur was also shimmering in the sunlight, and stretched out a hand to touch his cheek. He stifled when the my hand contacted his face but he remained calm. His fur was coarser than mine but I always thought it was too silky for a wolf anyway.

Suddenly he shuddered and spasms seemed to overtake his body. I backed away in fear.

Had I done something?

Why is he convulsing like that?

I continued to back away but he growled a rough, "No, st-ay! Pleese!" I gaped in horror at his voice. How could one talk with so many teeth? But what really shocked me was as his spasms subsided I realized his fur was gone and he was...human?!

His hair was as pitch black as his fur and was as messy and full of mud as mine had been before I took my bath. He was nicely muscled for being so tall. He was at least two and half feet taller than me now. His face was sharp with high cheek bones. It almost reminded me of looking into an actual wolf's face.

I shouldn't be so surprised, I told myself.

But what amazed me the most was his eyes. They had been mysterious and almost...erotic. But now in his human form they were a deep blue. Like the ocean, before it had tried to swallow me.

He staggered forward and did nothing to step aside or move away. But his strength faltered and he collapsed into my arms.

He was heavy. My rough estimates thought he might be around four-hundred to four-hundred and fifty pounds. He WAS eight feet tall. Still I could kill vampires no problem. To me, he was a plush teddy bear. Or wolf. I gently set him down on the ground with his head on the grass. His eyes flared open and he strained to say,

"Who are you?" I wiped the sweat that had begun to film his brow.

"I'm Leah, who...what are you?" He took a gulp of air and pushed all the air out of his lungs and took another staggered breath.

"I'm a son of Lykoreius. My name is Svartur." And with that he passed out.

Why was he so tired? Whenever any of us in LaPush phased we retained what energy we had. Had he been running? Or was the change too much for him? Why?

As I groomed Svar more and more I developed more questions that only lead to even more questions.

Stupid downward spiral.

I did know two things.

Svar was one of the werewolves the Volturi had mentioned and I had just imprinted on him.

**Ha "total and complete" ha...look up the Blair Thumb...**

**Funniest parodies I'll ever know.**


	4. A Life Wasted

**Sorry I haven't written anything. School is so tedious it's depressing.**

4. A Life Wasted

I watched Svar as he slept. He tossed and turned for an hour but then a deep sleep overcame him and I felt every muscle in his body relax. He said he was a son of Lykoreius. What the hell did that mean? Hopefully I would have all the time in the world to ask him. And hopefully he would answer me.

_Svartur..._

I played the name around in my head. Did every relationship have the period in time when both people became creepy and stalkerish? It was really creepy the extent Bella and Edward idealized each other. They must have really loved each other to give their lives to each other. Then again I was watching a complete stranger sleep in my arms. A complete, werewolf stranger.

_Huhg..._

I was really sinking in the deep end. No, I had gone through the pool and was being sucked into the center of the earth. But it didn't feel like that, I felt like a fire had shot through my veins and burned away every little part of me that I hated, loved and just didn't care about and instead replaced with something completely different. A love, a passion, something impossible to describe. Like I finally had a place in this world and I was no longer an outsider. I had a power that no one could take from me. I didn't need to define myself with terms other people had slapped on me. I was myself, at long last. And all of this came from a hormonal outburst when I ran away from home.

_Thank you Mother Nature._

Everything was different now. Even my blood felt different. Before it had always felt hot and weighed me down. Now I felt my pulse and my blood was soaring through me and gave me those wings I had so indifferently threw away.

_Svar..._

Where had he come from? Why was he here? Did he have any family? How did he become a werewolf? Who was he before that? How old was he?

My mind completely stopped on that thought.

How old was he? Those crazy Volturi were ancient and seriously needed some counseling. ESPECIALLY that Casius dude. But he'd probably just eat the psychiatrist. What could he have experienced in that time? Edward wouldn't have anything he could compare to. Maybe Carlisle would? I would just have to wait until he woke up. I could wait.

And I did. Jesus, he slept almost as long as Jake and Seth. I only noticed the change in time because the sun started to dip behind the horizon, creating a majestic collage of yellows, oranges, reds and purples. I watched every moment of it and nearly burned my eyes out in the process. It was so worth it.

As the sun was finally swallowed by the sea Svar started to stir in my lap. I cradled him as a child. At first his heart started to pound slightly louder. It became a sort of vibration; light and fast. Then his heart started to pound harder and harder and his skin grew so hot it nearly burned me. What the hell was happening to him? Seeing him in pain caused me almost as much pain. And I was just the bystander. And the imprinter.

So this is what it feels to imprint.

_Grea..._ I started to think but as I felt the wholeness coursing through me I knew this was not "love at first sight Romeo and Juliet style", this was forever. Even beyond death. It pained me nearly to tears to think of Svar dying but if he was to be out of this misery, I would accept it. At least I would have felt this with him. Suddenly the spasms started again, but I just clutched him tighter.

Then the changes started. His breathing grew rough and strained as his complexion darkened and hair sprouted from every pore. His nails grew sharp and black, his feet grew as well and his toes arched and bent so he could support his weight on them more easily. It was a very...intimate moment (except for the convulsing) to watch his change happen. I realized his change was a lot simpler than mine but it seemed to drain him so badly. Why? Was it because my wolf was embedded in my genes? Casius had said something about the these werewolves infecting others with their virus. Ya, he should be so pompous. The ass. Along with his "brother", there was no love in that "family". But that one guy, Marcus, he seemed, dead. I wondered why Bella wouldn't notice that. I thought she would totally compare with him. Apparently not, that seemed to be my job.

And I was comparing with a werewolf at this very second. His change was nearing it's end and the convulsing had stopped. His mouth projected from his face and held dozens of white, shiny teeth within his strained lips. The hair on his head had grown into the rest of the hair on his face and it all blending into a beautiful dark black mane. His ears were tilted to the side of his head and looked odd but in place, some how. His nose had fused into his muzzle but hadn't acquired the black scales on it.

Thankfully his convulsions stopped and his breathing was returning to normal. He slowly opened his eyes and I was astonished to see the beauty of them once again. They were pitch black but had so much feeling embedded within them, I was so happy to feel that my scars had not only been stitched shut but it was like I had been given a whole new heart. And I was ready to use it.

As he stared into my eyes I smiled, "Rise and shine, Svar." I leaned forward and kissed his muzzle, noting how his teeth felt through the skin covering them. When I looked back to his eyes he looked like a newborn child; so confused it made my heart skip. As he crawled out of my arms he stood up. I did the same until we were both standing.

"Who are you?" His voice was deep, throaty and hard to understand because of his muzzle-like mouth. It made my heart skip again.

"I'm Leah." His face contorted in the strangest ways as I spoke.

"No...what are you?" He grappled with his words. Trying to understand something behind the obvious. I guess I had asked him the same questions before he had passed out as well.

"I'm a shape shifter. My other form just happens to be a wolf." His eyes brightened and he looked...happy. I wouldn't be so surprised but that look did odd things to his face. I thought he might eat me. But the fact that he was happy made my heart soar.

"I'm sorry," He kept stumbling over his words. "I haven't felt this way...what am I feeling?" His voice was confused but in those eyes of his a light shone brighter than the sun. I took his hand in mine; the padded fingers were almost long enough to engulf my entire arm up to my elbow.

"I imprinted on you..." I said. Deeper confusion clouded his vision. "It's like I found the second half of me." There was total silence when I stopped speaking but his vision had cleared with realization. Then he let me go and turned to face the moon.

"I know of a legend. An old one. A long time ago, before me, before vampires,"-I noticed how he said the word; it was filled with an absolute loathing- "when every human had four legs and two heads." He turned back to face me and smiled. "And then the Gods rained down thunderbolts and every human was split down the middle and was separated from their other half. That's why humans now have only two legs and one head..."

His face turned serious, "But they still had the same soul." He grabbed me, and meaning dripped off every one of his words, "And every day we're alive we spend our days trying to find that other half of our soul."

I gazed into his eyes and couldn't help myself. I grabbed his face and kissed him like this was last time I would see him. He certainly wasn't holding back either. But his face made his kisses more like licks (not that I minded). Our passion subsided and I broke our kiss.

He closed his eyes and looked like rain was dousing the fire in his veins.

"In all my years I have never felt that I belonged more than I do now." I knew exactly how he felt. But I wondered how long he's been waiting.

"How many years has that been?" I asked.

He opened his eyes and the words flowed out of his mouth. "I would have told you a day ago that none of them mattered but now that I've finally found you they all receive new meaning because I finally found what I've been searching for all these years."

I was nearly crying at the beauty he had set before my eyes. He held me closer to his chest and dug his muzzle into my hair. The top of my head almost came up to his huge collar bone. I was used to being the tall one, I stood at a strong six feet (Jake and the pack were still taller than me). He made me feel so...small, but with Svar I also felt protected and safe.

A low grumble shuddered through his entire being, maybe it was a purr. I certainly wanted to. There were no words to describe my feelings. Because no words come to you when all you feel is a warm emitting from your being. There are too many emotions, too much to register. But I could feel Svar's gentle breathing and the steadying of his huge heart. Maybe his heart was big enough to hold every emotion that was merely tapped on mine. But they couldn't stay, they were needed else where in the world. I held him and he held me until...my stomach gurgled.

_God dammit. Bleeding werewolf body can change into a rather large monster of a wolf but can't hold off a little hunger?_

"My dear, are you hungry?" Concern echoed on every syllable.

_Damn you...yes..._

"Yeah a little..." That little trek must of tired me out more than I had originally thought. And I had slept for probably the entire day. I was very annoyed at my stomach for breaking this moment but the fact that Svar cared so much made me a little teary eyed, again.

_Damn you hormones!_

So before my tears started spilling over I grabbed his arm and dragged him in the tree line.

"Come on, lets hunt." My eyes brightened over when I envisioned me being in complete control and feeling every movement from both myself and my prey, what ever that prey might be. I was the hunter and they were my prey. I would eat their flesh and bless it because it would give me strength to go on in life.

Contrary to my expectations, Svar gave me a fang-filled smile with the same twinkle in his eye. We would hunt together. So I let the phase take me over and felt carnal desire wash over me. I WAS hungry. I sprang from the beginning of this forest, my new home, and quickly caught scent of a herd of deer. Their musky smell guided me towards them as I floated across the ground. I saw the herd, my eyes focused to the point of blurring, and flew through the air. Time slowed down as I watched my paws shoot out in front of me and land on the back of a helpless bull. His spine snapped under the weight and force of my jump.

_There will be others to replace him._

But clashing of antlers and screams from does made me turn around. It was not a pretty sight. I growled in horror.

Svar was slashing at every living creature with in sight. His eyes glowed with a burning. Not unlike that of a human-fed vampire. The thought made me cringe. Even though Svar was now tearing open the belly of another deer, the semblance between him and a vampire was the main thing that turned my stomach.

I stood stunned for a second longer then I burst in to a full gallop and ripped Svar away from his...toy, and used all my energy to restrain him. He snarled and swung at me but stopped as soon as he realized it was me. He looked... ashamed. And my strength wavered as I saw his face stun in shock. A tear tripped out of the side of his pitch black eyes. We stayed there for a minute or two. But it could have only been a couple seconds, or an hour.

Suddenly he threw me off and ran into the trees. I sprawled onto my feet but he was already gone. The water rose and my nightmares engulfed me again. I crumpled back onto the ground, which was covered in stale blood. All was black.

I lied there. Waiting. For nothing really. Except for the nightmares to flood me. To flood my nostrils, my eyes, my ears and summon me to the depths. I wanted to wait. Maybe for Svar to come back. Maybe just to wait...

So I waited, and waited and nothing happened. The water never rose any higher but it refused to let me go. My stomach didn't even grumble to be fed. But my ears still drunk sounds that surrounded and taunted me. Depraving me of my sanity. Then a gentle whisper into the wind caught my ear.

_Forgive me Father..._

_For I have sinned._

The voice was raspy and bleak. And yet it was one of the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. Whimpers broke the silence induced by this pleading man. I crawled to my feet, my stomach rubbled the faintest of protests at my weakened state. But at least the waters were receding. I groveled over to the many dear carcasses that scattered the wood and plunged my muzzle in. I grasped at the nearest piece of flesh I could and pulled. The scrap was cold and unappealing, but it teased the building hunger in my gut. I gorged myself, eating well into the buck.

Finally appeased from the emptiness in my stomach, I followed the tortured moans of the lost man in these hallowed grounds. He kept praying, and praying. For what?

As I stalked towards him I listened to his staggered breathing, the pounding of his breast, the pledges and pleadings falling off his tongue.

_I don't care to live, Father... JUST RELEASE ME!_

The raw emotion and horrible pain echoing from every syllable coming out of his mouth was leaving me, a bystander, chilled to the bone. My temperature almost felt human. I needed to comfort this tortured soul.

_Damn you motherly instincts._

So I flew through the brush as it scraped against my fur and made my legs bleed, staining my fur a lovely shade of reddish brown. But my physical pain didn't matter. The cries and screams burned inside my head and when more kept on coming the pain made my eyes water and my nose sting. It took so much of my self control that I had learned in LaPush to not howl and crumple on the ground whimpering so I wouldn't scare this man any more.

Finally the screams were almost too unbearable so I knew I was close. As I continued to run towards them I heard the softer oaths he swore.

_Take from me everything, for I am unworthy and need to be punished. Lead me by the hand and sentence me to hell. For anything is better than this...existence._

I ran faster and faster until the point in which my legs were giving up. I reveled in the pain; it took my mind off the emotions wafting off this man that embodied all my fears and horrors. A clearing was in sight, almost a meadow.

_Thank you GOD!_

I purged myself for one last time before snapping to a halt on the very edge of this meadow. I hadn't noticed before but the man's cries and screams had also come to a halt. He was on his knees, trembling from the force of his confession. I watched in fascination as he took several deep breaths and raised himself to his full height. A huge eight feet.

_Svar?_

My heart sunk to the depths of my nightmares again as I realized the pain I had listened to was my beloved Svar. He kept his back to me and slowly regained control from the tremors that had controlled him.

"You can come out, I don't bite." His voice had lost all harmony. His sentence wasn't a suggestion, or a threat, or a order. It just was. God, hearing his voice empty from the joy that had saturated it before was killing me all over again. Why couldn't I just have a normal life? But I had happiness and a purpose in this one so I guess my life was good. Just weird.

So I tried to save the destination I had been running towards since Sam had left me and ever since vampires and werewolves became a reality instead of a creepy fairy tale that people today are so enthralled about. I phased out and walked over to the huge wall of "real" werewolf that had become my salvation from all my nonsensical torments and merely hugged him from behind. He must not have been used to feeling someone as warm as he because he gasped as my arms curved around him. I laid my head on his shoulder blade and felt his skin against mine, memorizing his touch for just a quiet moment in time.

After a while, when he seemed to have truly calm down, I raised my head and kissed that huge shoulder blade of his. The skin on it was tanned, but not as brown as mine. He was probably from Europe or somewhere around there. He must have phased out during his breakdown. I shuddered at the memory.

"Why are you so sad?" God I sounded like a kindergartner. So much for not growing old; I was growing back down. But Svar certainly didn't seem phased by my supreme failure at the English language.

"Do you know what happened to me back there?" His voice was regaining life, thankfully.

"You got caught up in the hunt. It happens to us all." I tried to rationalize his behavior but there was no excuse for such a waste of life.

He growled at me and spun me so I faced his face. "That was no hunt! That was me! Look what I've become!"

"What have you become? What were you before?" I didn't know, but I needed to. What the hell was he talking about?

"I used to be a man. Not some demon...that kills like child's play..." Sorrow flooded out of his mouth. God, why were immortals always so emo? His depression was just worsening mine.

"You are still a man and..."

"NO! I'm a monster. The werewolf burned all of my humanity away during those withering decades." He interrupted.

_Decades?_

"Decades?" What the hell was he talking about?

"Yes, the decades when the werewolf saturates your entire body and slowly, painfully, fuses itself with you and then..." He shrugged and furrowed his brow as he stared at me.

"It breaks you away from any trace of your humanity." He was utterly confused with me now. "Why?"

Now I was confused, "You mean you don't just get bit and then...poof?"

Svar burst out laughing; it was almost a growl. "Poof?" I put my hands on my hips, pouting.

"Well how am I supposed to know what it's like being a werewolf?" Finally his fit subsided and he regained his tenuous composure.

"I thought your change was like mine." A smile still lingered on his face, one that would have brightened any cloudy day of mine, no matter how horrible I was feeling. I drew my lips up ever so slightly into my pathetic version of his smile.

I looked down, chuckling, "No, my change was "poof"...then you're a wolf." He stared at me, with that wondering gaze in his eyes.

"You are quite the creature, almost as strange as the wind and the way it falls every direction and spreads across all. Sometimes in your favor, other times... a misplaced step can be the death of you." He spoke obviously from experience and like a oracle from long ago.

"How old ARE you?"

Suddenly his demeanor shifted from being just as awed by me as I was with him to a nervous twitch. I lifted my hand up to his face and held him as he snuggled his scruffy jaw into it. Like a child, like I would have done just a few years ago. What had we become? Everyone of us. Bella was a vampire and had a half-vampire half-human child, I, and most of my family, were werewolves...psh, shape shifters and now I was in love with an "actual" werewolf.

"It's okay, I can't judge you..." I would wait for him, just like Quil and Jake, till he was ready for love. I had forever. He turned to face me with those gentle, passioned eyes and engulfed my hand with his own.

"I've...existed for over two thousand years. I've lived for maybe forty of those. I've died so many more times than that, every day I've been without them... then I smelled you."

_Them? Thousands!?  
_

"I've seem my family"-_oh_-" decapitated by that...Casius, my entire world crumbled under their grasp! I swore revenge but now, I care about whether I live or die...because of you." On impulse I pressed my lips against his. All the anger dissipated from his form and he was left bewildered of what to do without it.

"You can live...with me." He seemed to understand what I was answering from what I felt coming from him. A degree of helplessness echoed from his eyes. But hope was born.

"It's kind of an awkward situation but you would probably be accepted. If you want to we can make it work." He stared out to the sea, and back at me.

"I want to go but... I, I can't." Hope died during childbirth.

"Why not?"

"You have to understand that a werewolf is not a wolf or a man. But a feral combination between them. You saw what happened to those deer. What would happen if those were people?" I tried not to cringe but failed miserably. Svar saw this and pulled me into his chest. The warmth from his breast made every chill I had disappear, then he started talking.

"The reason the moon holds sway over us is because on some level we want the rage, the absolute freedom of our darkest fantasies. I was amazed when I changed before you because the moon was out and yet I became human. For once I didn't want to be a monster, I wanted to be a man. For you... are you shaking?"

I was. I saw the incident with the deer and his violent confession afterwards, those seemed mild compared to what he was trying to tell me. What were his darkest fantasies? It scared he shit out of me that he truly was a werewolf. I could obviously take him but he was right about not being around humans. Well there were hardly any humans back in LaPush and he didn't seem to have a desire to eat them like vampires. I needed this, I needed him.

"Svar I know you're scared. I am too. But I need you to come back home with me. There aren't that many humans there and my packmates can make sure you don't hurt anyone." Wait, hope's got a heartbeat.

"Packmates?"

"Yeah it's genetic, so I'm not the only one." He didn't seem phased by that. He merely shrugged it off.

"So you mean back at your home there are mostly shapeshifters?"

_Oh shit._ Might as well tell him the truth.

"There are some vampires too." He froze. His heart skipped a beat, everything. He drew my face up to look into his.

"Vampires, like the Volturi?" Anger was seeping through his control.

"Oh, god no!"-relief overtook every emotion on his brow- "We even had a huge fight with them a couple months ago. Nearly won if they hadn't been such cowards."

He threw his head back and howled a deep laugh up to the moon. I started laughing too. Rulers of the world can't stand against a couple shapeshifters and a few unorganized vampires?

"Okay, I've truly met my one love."

_Tears, get the hell out of my eyes!_

To stop them I curled up onto Svar's chest and closed my eyes. I needed HIM. But I WANTED to open him up to my world. It might be crazy and possibly incredibly stupid but I wanted to show Svar he could curb his nature like the Cullen's had done. But was I too late? He had been living like a murderer for at least two millennia. Was imprinting so strong to change the very fiber of your being? It had made Jacob love Nessie, but he was the imprinter. Would a family as large as the Cullens/the Pack be strong enough to revert Svar back to this gentler side that I was experiencing? Was I?

"Hey, Svar?" He put his arms around me and glided me onto a lush bed of dying grass and leaves.

"Yes Leah?"

Shit, don't chicken out now!

"I want you to meet my family."

"Ah, the the perils of relationship drama. How lucky that I shall be able to partake in the madness that seems so trivial, but in the end, is worth the tedium."

"What?" I was pretty sure that made no sense. Was I going to have to put up with this insane old speak from him all the time?

"Sure." Oh, good. Apparently he seems to have a translator button. Elation sprung from the relief that had immediately followed the simplification of his words. Along with that came fear. Cold, burning fear that you want to wish away, but no. It swallows your insides and freezes your heart. Luckily I had only tasted it. And yet, that was too much. I fell asleep trembling in my demonic angel's arms.


	5. Nightmares and Hate

**I don't own Twilight or any other book concerning Stephanie Meyer. **

5. Nightmares and Hate

Running through the forest was pure hell. I wasn't sure if I was wolf or human, being chased or running towards something, scared or elated, or even where I was. Was I back in La Push? Or was I still across the border in Russia? But I did know Svartur was near. Was he following me? Chasing me? Or was I running to him? I tried to slow down but my legs only sped up. It was so painful, like my body just weighed my legs down. My lungs burst trying to fill them up with enough air. My legs started to cramp up and I tasted blood. How long had I been running? I was the fastest in the pack and I also had stamina, so why did I feel like kneeling over?

Then I knew everything.

The trees were encasing me and slashing at me as I hurdled towards Svar, the one I loved. The one I had imprinted on was closing in. I heard the blood lust in his breathing and even in his very heartbeat. It was so painful because I was running AWAY from Svar. A part of him at least. I couldn't hurt him. But he would kill me, because that was his darkest fantasy. Actually his darkest nightmare. His human self would never forgive himself. His human self never did. But his pained conscious was lost as the absolution of his instinctual form took over.

I was loving something, someone that had done heinous things with a smile. But I knew that when the dawning light broke his primal urges, he cried. For those he hurt, and himself.

All of my revelations happened as he tore through the trees and was snapping his jaws in the hope that my stride would falter, that I would fail. Someday I would. I had to. It was natural. But not now. I was still running towards Svar, the kind, wise and caring one. But I also knew that I was running from the one I loved too. They might have different forms and personalities but I loved all of Svar. The destructive creature that I had learned to fear seemed gentler. Less from a horror movie and more from a troubled home. Something to care for; to nurture.

His rabid breathing tantalized me as he closed in. My legs had long since turned to jello. They were just waiting for collapse. So was I. Too much had happened. Even as his snapping jaws teased my hair, I was remembering everything we had been through. Not enough, and yet, too much.

I made no sound when his rough hands clasped around my shoulders because I didn't want to run any more. Svar was Svar and I was so in pain partly because I was denying a part of my own soul when I didn't recognize part of his. He was reveling in the catch of his prey; me. I, on the other hand, calmly let his jaws, that had been constructed solely for this purpose, close on the back of my neck.

I gasped for air as the bite on my neck still stung. I instinctively reached for where it was on my neck. Except it wasn't. Then I saw were I was. I had shot off Svar's steadily rising chest and was right where I had fallen asleep.

_A dream. Yeah, right. More like a premonition._

I would be hunted not only by my love, but by my very self within a man cursed by a monster. But as I looked back down onto Svar's peaceful form I couldn't deny that when I was with him, the world, time and even the future made sense. Only when my over-developed brain computed in the fears that had, did my life seem chaotic and made pain all the more blissful. At least then I wasn't scared. I was just in pain.

I was brought back to reality when Svar started his change. I lied back down onto his massive chest and closed my eyes. Through my hair, I felt his fur sprout from every pore on his body. Muffled snarls and whimpers started as the more anatomical changes started. Needing to make this easier for him, I turned over and wrapped my arms around him. Like he was my huge, plush, were- beanie. I closed my eyes again, wanting the whimpers to stop. They became less urgent, but they still stung my ears.

Finally the changes were complete. Thank God he didn't have to go through this when he was awake. But I had to go through everything during my dreams because of these changes. I hoped they weren't totally complete. But I already knew the answer to that. There was a human side of him because I imprinted; there had to be something in him which meshed perfectly with me. Something other than tyrannical rage.

Slowly, gently I opened my eyes and saw Svar's looking at me. He raised his own hand and held my entire shoulder blade in the palm. He smiled his fanged grin and said,

"Rise and shine." I smiled, completely forgetting all the horrors of yesterday. I turned around and lied onto his arm and stared up to the moon. It shone completely innocent and oblivious to it's power over Svar and others like him. I felt myself meld into his massive form and I was perfectly content to stay there forever. Then... his stomach rumbled.

I looked up at him and giggled. He looked at me in shock. Then he started to laugh too. It felt good to laugh. It was good to release all that pent up emotion, but the undertones were very serious. He hadn't eaten because he was too caught up in killing every thing. I couldn't let that situation arise again. I stood up and Svar's expression changed to one of shear panic.

"Leah...I could hurt you..." He stammered

"No you won't because there is no way in hell you coming with me. Stay here and I'll get you something." I tried to keep my voice teasing but there was no humor in his hunger anymore. Relief, astonishment and just outright joy replaced the darkness of fear in his eyes.

"Thank you so much. I don't want to be a killer." I smiled again as I watched him lie back down on the grass. I turned toward the forest and honed my senses. A rabbit was about a kilometer away and the deer massacre...I'm not even going to think about going there. I phased and shot off towards the rabbit but unfortunately was not out of earshot to hear Svar say,

"It's just what I am..." My blood ran cold. I refocused on the rabbit, hearing it rummage through the leaf litter, trying to build up fat so that it wouldn't have to forage as much during the winter.

_Perfect._

Soon I had the limp rabbit in my mouth, savoring the taste of its fur, and I was gently trotting towards Svar. His scent burned through my nostrils. His musk was so sweet, I nearly passed out in his arms every time in pure pleasure.

He was already standing where he had lied down and was looking in my direction with a definite craving in his eyes. He missed out on the hunt. I knew how joyous that could be. So I phased out with the rabbit still in my mouth and grabbed it, hoping no loose clumps of fur were stuck in my teeth.

_Wow, I'm actually hoping I don't have rabbit in my teeth. When did this part of my life start?_

I sighed. I knew exactly when it had started. But with Svar silently walking towards me I knew it was so worth it. He took the rabbit with a shy thanks and pulled at the pelt. As soon as it was free of the pelt he dug his muzzle in. His face distorted as if he was committing some horrible sin against god. To encourage him I phased back to wolf and grabbed a little piece off the rabbit's ribcage and ate it. Not all killing was horrible. We needed food and it was a wonderful rabbit that we shared together.

After we were done, I phased out and Svar and I sat on the beach, looking out over the ocean.

"So tell me about yourself. I hardly know anything about you." Svar asked.

Hum...what could shock a two-thousand year-old werewolf?

"Well I was born in La Push, Washington, where I've lived my entire life. I have a pain-in-the-ass brother who I love to death. My dad died about three years ago from a heart attack so now my mom is getting married to this one guy who's daughter was turned into a vampire after she gave birth to her half-human half-vampire kid"-his eyes widened at that one-" and then my alpha imprinted on her. The kid's dad did not like that. But he got over it. So now I'm here."

He kept staring at me for quite a while, even after I turned back out to sea. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his mouth start moving.

"So tell me about this kid."

I smiled. Nessie was so strange. "Her mom, Bella, fell in love with a vampire, Edward, and after some serious drama they got married. But he didn't turn her before the honeymoon and so everyone was flippin' out when she got pregnant. Except her. More drama. She gave birth but the little thing had snapped her spine and so Edward had to change her so she could survive. More angst from Jacob, but as soon as he laid his eyes on little Nessie, he imprinted. "

Svar was quiet after a while but I suspected he HAD seen some things in his life, so he was probably taking my story pretty well. I cuddled up into his lap, which wasn't very awkward considering we had never worn clothes when we were together, and stared out to sea.

"Tell me about _your_self. I'm sure you've got quite a story."

He laughed. "Yes, quite a story indeed..." His tone became serious and haunted.

"Could you tell me about it?" Svar looked into my eyes and a feeling of complete and total trust burned into my soul. He sighed.

"I was born about century before the Romans started their conquest of the world. I lived in relative peace around the North Sea. Borders weren't particularly clear-cut back then. I met my wife when I was about fifteen, back then you also had to grow up fast. And we married. It was an amazing day." He chuckled and then a look of hatred, anger and remorse flashed across his face. He turned to me and a tear trickled out of his eye. Instinctively, I took him against my breast for what must have been hours. His breathing increased. I could feel the vibrations in his chest even before the spasms overtook him this time.

He screamed and shook but I held onto him. When he became to volatile for me to handle him, I let him leap out of my arms. He jumped towards the sea and for the first time I noticed the pinks of sunrise. Svar screamed at the rising sun like it was judgement day, and he was ready to be judged. Crashing onto his knees, his screams became half-hearted moans and he collapsed on the beach. I ran over to him. In his trance of anger he had phased to his human form. It looked like he was sleeping.

_Please. Stay, awake. I want to know your human side._

But, alas, he had passed out. I took him into my arms.

_Christ, you're heavy! _I was surprised I could even hold him. Turning to watch the ocean I was stunned by the beauty and power it held. It danced dressed in the colors of the sunset in the most passive of movements. I was so tired. From his changes and my imprinting, I marveled at the fact that I still had the strength to hold him.

Suddenly, everything was calmer than it had been a minute ago. I wanted to sleep like Svar was. The ocean was merely swaying to the sun's movements and I was trying to deny my own physical needs. And Svar's.

Turning around, I walked to our impressions that we had made in the grass. To our bed.

Our bed.

I felt something flourish in my insides that I hadn't felt before. Like a cyclone pulling something out of me. A feeling that I had been hiding from myself and from Svar.

I loved him. I had always called my feelings toward him imprintation. But not love. I waiting for him to love me, but I needed to love him, and trust him first.

I lied Svar on the grass, being as gentle as I could, and knelt before him, watching. Watching him twist and turn, wondering what was happening in his head right now. But my own weariness finally caught up to me, and I collapsed next to him; barely able to close my eyes before I was asleep. I couldn't help a feeling of despair overwhelm me. But I was too tired to cry.

The next morning came far too quickly. I needed to get on a sleeping schedule, soon. I stretched out my throbbing limbs, aching from my more than usual physical exertion. How lovely it is to wake up and not have to do anything. Then I noticed Svar wasn't next to me anymore. Immediately, I sprang up to see him staring out across the ocean. The air was unusually stale, like the earth itself had stopped breathing. But that meant nothing, Svar was here; by me. Where WE belonged.

Feeling in place and steady for the first time in...my life I, lazily, walked over and wrapped my arms around him and felt his beautiful fur on my palms, his heavenly scent in my nose and the gentle purr of his breath. I was in heaven.

"Leah, get off." Did I just hear that?

No, he didn't just say that. I just held onto him, but my entire body had gone rigid. My happy place shattered into millions of pieces.

"Leah! Get OFF!" His gentle purr of breathing now sounded like the ocean itself. Angry, powerful, and not taking shit from anyone. I stumbled away from his beautiful self. What the hell is going on?

Svar turned around slowly. A look of pure rage and hatred was plastered onto his every feature. I gasped and tried to back away but he also had incredibly fast movements as well. He caught my arm and pulled me close to his face and held me there by my shoulders. He no longer smelled of gentle decay and age but rather of death and a smell of rotting flesh held onto his breath like a newborn to its mother.

His breathing speed up, sending more of the disgusting, noxious smell directly into my face. I cringed at the stench. It wasn't anything like the scent of a vampire but this was equally repulsive. Svar paid no mind to my revulsion. He just shook me, trying to get my attention. He had it, all of it.

"Look. What. You. Do. To. Me!" I stared at him, scared out of my mind, crying and crushed. He just held me like that for what could have been hours. I didn't care. I had finally found something that made sense, something I could hang onto, and then fate rips it away. I looked into his eyes, through the tear laced ones I had, and that look of hate burned in those pitch dark eyes. They looked like the flames of hell.

I reached up to his face with my shaking hand, needing to feel him, but he threw me to the ground, disgusted.

"Don't touch me." Was all he said. There was no emotion. I wasn't a suggestion, it was an order. I lay there. Crumpled, crying my eyes out, and hopeless. I needed to take a course on relationships, I didn't seem to have that much luck when it came to finding the right guy for me. But I doubt there was one that included werewolf and shape shifters in part of the curriculum.

So I lay there, crying, with Svar standing over me. Why didn't he just leave? Why couldn't he just go away and leave me alone?

Why did I still love him?

God, first I was a hormonal, love-sick eight year-old. Now I'm a woman in an abusive relationship.

_God DAMN you Svar!_

I hated him. Fuck imprinting. Did Quil throw Claire around? Did Jacob? Never mind that, Nessie could probably take it. Now a fire had been lit by the remnants of my heart. I was bleeding mad. I was going to kill him. So with the newborn passion in my breast I dried my eyes and slowly stood up. Now the fires in our eyes were equally black and spiteful. The tremors onslaughted me with a vengeance. They were almost screaming at me for not releasing them sooner. I was screaming at the power of them, it was like I was being turned inside out and something from the very depths of my heart was being released. The word "monster" came to mind.

Yes! Let my little monster be born! I cackled the evillest laugh I had ever heard. What can I say? There was blood to be spilled. The shift was intense, it was like I was born again! There was so much energy, so many reasons to be in a vengeful mood right now.

Svar just stared at me with the same, hateful look in his eyes. His hate just fed mine. I'm pretty sure we were just feeding each other. I snapped the most disgusting bark at him I could. He snarled and spewed an equally disgusting growl in my direction. Then I lunged.

It was just like with the deer or Esme before. I couldn't even feel any compassion as I watched my paws stretch endlessly in front of me and then...

he was gone. Damn me for imprinting on a supernatural wife-beater. I landed on the ground and for a split second, I waited. That was a horrible idea.

All of a sudden a huge, hot, mass landed on my back and threw me to the ground; for a second time tonight. I would've gotten up, but my hate was burned through, and I was thoroly pinned. I was surprised my rampage had only been so short. I felt better now that it was over, then I remembered where I was.

His brutal voice saturated my every organelle. Damn, I was fucking imprinted.

_Screw you...origin of vampires, werewolves and shape shifters?_

"Phase out!" He commanded, but I had already phased before he could said out.

"You..." My own voice was hardly recognizable as I had been so defeated, crying on the ground. But now it was confident, passive and my own. I didn't want to be standing in one place. I felt that when I first met Svar. Look how that worked out. I should have known that I needed to move in life. Luckily I learned that before anything horrible happened. Maybe it was too late...

"What did you say?" I smiled.

"You. I love...you." I was so god damn tired. But Svar stopped. He let go of my arms, got off my back and even stopped breathing. I climbed my way up to my feet. I looked over to him. He just stood there, too shocked to move. I felt even cockier than usual.

"Ya, know if you don't start breathing soon, you're probably going to pass out soon." A sharp intake of breath was all I recieved for an answer. Gently, I trod over to him. He might have been turning blue if his face wasn't covered in that gorgeuos mane. But he didn't pass out, he didn't even move. Then he completely broke down. In a flash he was on his knees bawling his eyes out. I started to feel the familiar sting of anticipation in my eyes as well.

"Look what you do to me!" There was no more hate in his voice at all. It was desperation, pain and mournful. I gently pulled him into my arms and held him there.

"What do I do to you?" It's always better to talk through things than to let assumptions be made.

"You make me feel...everything." I could barely comprehend his words they were so agonized.

"I'm a monster, a bloody monster! I've killed children for god's sake! How can you love a monster?" It was my turn to be shocked now. I stared into those deep, dark eyes.

"Because we all have our own monsters and you're the perfect monster for me." I didn't even think about my response. It was there and it was perfect.

"I, I...love you." My tears spilled out at his confession. He reached up with his hand and pulled my mouth to his. His sweet musk was everywhere. On his fur, in my sinuses and now in my mouth. And to think that I hated him. Even for just the smallest period of time.

When I finally surfaced for air, I had emerged with something other than a feeling of light-headedness. I had changed. Not for better, neither for worse. But my very fiber of being was not what it used to be. I was one with Svar. He wasn't just another part of my soul. He was my soul. I had the same monster in me that he did as well. Who was I to judge?

"I want to change..." His voice was just as throaty and humble as it used to be. There was a place that I knew could help him curb his nature, to become what he wanted to be.

"I know where to take you then."

"Tomorrow..." Was all he said.

Years of sleep exhaustion finally caught up with me. I was so tired that I fell asleep in Svar's arms. Hopefully I wouldn't dream tonight. Those had been getting worse every night for days. But I'll deal with that tomorrow. Here and now was all that I could concentrate on as my memory fleeted into the subconscious. One phrase sang through my ears as I floated away,

"I love you..."

**Again, excuse my tardiness. **


	6. Over the Hills and Far Away

**Sorry I haven't posted in a while. But check out my cross-over that I've been writing. I believe it to be better than this story. **

6. Over the Hills and Far Away

I started to stir under Svar and almost heard gentle crashing of waves onto the beach and Svar's strong arms enveloping me. He was awake before I was and was just holding me. The cool air tingled my skin and the ocean breeze coated my nostrils. Everything felt so...calm. Exactly what I needed. And I didn't want to wake up. His gracious arms were holding me to some form of sanity that I was surprisingly enjoying. Consciousness would only ruin that.

"Leah..." If only his guttural voice hadn't broken the moment. And I started to wake up. Damn that werewolf.

"Shut up..." His arms stiffened around me.

"What?" He was horribly confused. A thin smile beckoned upon my lips.

"Shut up. You're ruining it." And with that his arms loosened and we returned to our gentle embrace. I couldn't be happier. Svar seemed to enjoy it as well, as he did nothing to start another conversation.

We stayed like that for...I should really give up trying to tell time. I didn't have a clue or really care that I didn't. But it was long time that seemed like a short time but in the end was only a medium amount of time?

God, I hate those cliché "time was so much shorter!" comparisons.

So I just snuggled into his arms and his huge chest. He warmed everything inside me up. From my soul to my skin.

Nothing mattered. I fell asleep with a gentle smile on my face. Everything was going to be okay. If only I'd known. There was no way I could've.

When I finally did wake up, Svar was still holding onto me. He must have thought I was still asleep because he muttered

with tears in his heart,

"I'm so sorry."

The sheer emotion pouring out of those words caused my breath to hitch. Then he knew I was awake. He sucked his breath in as well. Scared, he almost dragged his arms out of our embrace. But I held him there, wanting to convey something. I wasn't sure what yet.

"Me too." The wind seemingly stopped as I spoke those words. Svar certainly did.

"Why?" Did I even know why I was sorry?

Damn you hormones.

"I hated you. You're the other half of me, and I hated you." I nearly cried. Svar snorted.

"You should hate me. I hurt you! Do you know how that makes me feel! I've hurt so many people. I done so many horrible things and I still find ways to do worse." He stopped to compose himself. But not for long.

"I hurt you because you made everything I haven't been seem feasible. And everything I've done almost okay, because I could change. You made me realize that I was not evil because of what I've done but because of what I haven't tried to be. Turning a two-thousand year old Germanic werewolf's life around is not a necessarily a smart thing to do." I heard a smile come onto his face. I couldn't help but let a feeble chuckle escape my lips.

I lifted my head up to face him. His eyes were full of woe and a child-like innocence. I couldn't help but reach up and

kiss his limp lips. But once his brain processed what was going on, and then he returned my passion with one greater than mine.

We explored each other's mouths, trying to know every inch of one another. I took my tongue and raced it along his razor-sharp teeth; not caring if I sliced it open. Besides it was healed by the time I moved on to the next tooth. I nearly fainted as he started to lick my tongue and the roof of my mouth. His rough tongue took everything from my mouth and when we finally pulled away from each other, mine was as dry as sand paper. It moisturized again in a couple of seconds but the feeling was deeply ingrained into my memory.

Now the look in Svar's eyes was one of contented pleasure. I took his face into my palm; he snuggled into it and then took my hand with his own and placed his softest kisses on the back. An innocent smile blossomed onto his face and those dark eyes lit up like my own dark moons of light. A smile more of relief than anything appeared onto my face.

"Ready to go?" Svar didn't even blink at my question.

"With you? Always." We kissed one more time. This time I took my own tongue and thrust it onto his and just tasted him.

He tasted like the woods after a rain and a deep vein of iron. I won't even try to describe it. So I just tasted him.

Svar.

Again, we pulled away too soon. I would never keep my hands – and mouth – off him if I could. But I couldn't just leave

Svar drowning in his instinctual need to kill. I NEEDED to help him, to save him.

I smiled a gentle smirk at him; feeling like a love-struck third-grader. I stood up and then brought my hand down to Svar's and helped pull him up, staring into his eyes the entire time. Those wondrously, demonic eyes that would scare the shit out of everyone else besides me. His smile was even creepier; full of sharp teeth that added to his already blood-thirsty look. But I had imprinted and he was beautiful.

We walked hand in hand to the beach that had become the birthing ground of my new life. And for a moment we stared out to sea.

"How did you do this before?" His voice was disbelieving and a little impressed.

"Uh... I kind of had a mental breakdown and almost drowned." God I was even starting to sound like Bella now. This was most defiantly not a good thing. Svar just chuckled.

"Okay, we are not doing that. If we travel along the islands we should be able to avoid drowning."

Which islands? Come on Geography! Remember!

Then, miraculously, I did remember that chain of islands that came off the tip of Alaska. If only I'd remembered that before I took an almost one way trip across the world.

"Alright, sounds like a plan."

We walked hand in hand towards the ocean, towards a salvation for Svar. I shuddered as the tide washed through my feet.

I admit, I was scared. But the huge hand engulfing my own was giving me the courage to go on. With his fingers twined with my own, I felt as though the world was our playground. Nothing more than a mere plane of existence with my life flowing through the gentle movements of time. And now my life was able to that, for I had achieved the impossible. I had achieved bliss. There was the perfect combination of joy and contentment for my balance. And of course, the sadness that burned through both Svar and my lives. His soul was so tortured by the constant reminder of his past; me. A saving grace, descending from a higher power, or maybe it was destiny. Who can not attest to either when this feeling is bestowed upon you?

Svar squeezed my hand. I turned to his hope-filled eyes and smiled. Any trace of pessimism disappeared from his face.

Ah, bliss.

I stared out to the Pacific. It looked so much smaller compared to a moment ago. A moment ago could have been an hour or just a couple of seconds. It honestly didn't matter. I didn't care at all. And it was time to go, simply because we were ready to go. We were ready to start a new life for Svar. One that would, hopefully, grant him peace of mind and release from these impulses that he so desperately hated.

Something inside me quivered.

Svar hated a piece of himself? Who am I to judge for that? Why do I feel so...horrible?

A second ago, I had the world in my hand. The next one, it crashed and burned and George W. Bush was re-elected to serve a third term. I couldn't let this all be one huge, soon-to-become, nightmare.

"Svar?"

He turned and flashed me the scariest and sweetest smile I'd ever seen. "Yes, my dear?"

I squeezed his hand, trying to prove to myself that he was tangible, he was a real and a physical being; not some imaginary figment of my ever-deteriorating mental state.

"Do you hate yourself?" I asked my voice terribly nervous about even asking such a question.

He cocked his head in confusion. As if something was right in front of my eyes. "Yes, I'm a monster." He stated bluntly.

My insides twitched, and I felt like throwing up. Svar immediately sweeped down to catch me. His grip was harsh out of worry.

"My god, what happened?" He was suddenly concerned.

"Don't, don't say that..." I managed to choke out before anything really decided to eject itself from my stomach.

Svar's hold on me loosened considerably, out of shock, or denial or some other emotion.

"What?"

"Please, don't say that." I cried.

His dark eyes looked at me, confused and shocked. "Did you not see the deer?" His face dragged into a snarl.

"There were times when those were people." I realized he was pouring out his darkest fears, but it was really starting to get on my own nerves. What Svar needed now was some tough love.

I brought myself to my own feet, defiant, much to Svar's surprise, and looked into his eyes.

"You aren't a monster. You aren't enjoying killing those people...afterwards." My voice trailed off; he did look pretty excited when he was hacking and slashing through those deer. But I quickly regrouped, "You have a conscious. You have guilt that you want to change. You can change."

His dark eyes seemed to delve into the pits of Hades, they turned so black. "How do you know?" His voice was as filled with a horror that sent a shudder into my very bones.

But I smiled and put my hand on his face, he cuddled into it, "Because I am you."

As soon as I uttered that phrase his expression looked like that of someone who had been rescued from the pits of hell. He believed me because he felt it to be true as well.

Again, we found comfort by just holding the other half to our hole self in sweet embrace. And the fact that I could finally help him from his hell made it all the sweeter. I could almost taste it in the salty air, and on Svar himself.

Too soon, Svar broke from the embrace and looked to sea, then looked back to me, a calm tranquility was on his face that I hadn't seen...ever, on anyone. Except for Quil and Clare. Imprinting was such a third grade love story, but one that always had a happy ending. Who doesn't love a happy ending?

Svar nodded to the ocean, a smile on his face.

"Come now, let's be on our way."

I could only smile back. I didn't even feel the water as it slowly rose to my knees, then to my hips, to my waist, past my breasts, up to my neck and finally evening around my chin. Svar was only up to his pectorals in water. Damn tall people.

Wait...I'm tall...Damn... Was all I could think of. The water didn't have the same effect on me with Svar here. He was my life boat, my light house, hell he was my savior.

So I swam to him. My buoy in this ocean; in this life. For we are all drowning in our own oceans and all we have for support are the people around us. I was just lucky enough to be able to know my life boat when I saw him.

The water itself was cold, but my body temperature made everything cold in comparison, so I was used to it. It tasted like I had delved into a salt mine. I made a vow never to have salt ever again, in any form. I had consumed enough of it to mummify my entire body, if not for my special werewolf condition.

I could have turned around, but Svar was like a beacon of hope that lit my eyes up and gave me a reason to keep on swimming out to him. He was still on his feet but I couldn't even feel the stones that graced the bottom. He had a peaceful look on his face, asking me to follow.

I did and kept following him into deeper and deeper waters. Now he was treading water and I was swimming my hardest to keep up with him. I shouted out to him in the growing light of day,

"When we get back on land I am totally challenging you to a RUNNING race." Despite imprinting, I still was a teenager.

Svar just laughed; and kept swimming. Damn, I should really stick to running.

But we continued swimming. And swimming. And swimming. I never really got tired of physical exertion any more but now, everything that seemed to give me strength was so far away. Svar kept up a steady pace, and I was having trouble keeping up.

But when I was really struggling, he took me, turned me onto my back and slid underneath me. He held me like that, but he kept moving. Moving towards, what I hoped, a life that was beneficial to his overall psyche. Now that I didn't have to focus on breathing without swallowing any more dreaded salt, or moving at all, I got to ask Svar some questions that had been burning inside my own mind.

"Hey, Svar?" I mused.

"Yes, Leah?" He responded, completely content.

"What did you mean when you said you were a Son of Lykoreius?"

"Ah, yes. That is a long story, but seeing as though we have time for it, I shall tell." He murmured his voice dropping into a trance like state.

"So long ago, even before the Volturi, there was a man. His village regarded him as a sage, a wise man, and a healer. He cured many of the diseases that afflicted his people and the surrounding villages were envious of their good health and likewise of their good fortune. However, He was not renowned though. Another man had claimed his deeds for his own."

I was almost falling asleep. The rocking of the waves was doing a good job at forcing my eyes open, but his warm body and his voice was equally as persuasive. I did want to hear the rest of this "tale". A little part of me reminded myself that this was part of the ever growing immortal legend.

"Only the village itself knew the truth, that the man, Lykoreius, was the real sage and that the other man, Alareiks, was only a charlatan. But the other villages did not know that and one night, he was stolen away. He was ordered to cure some of the ill in the village over. He preformed an intricate ritual and, somehow, they recovered. Alareiks thought it was by his own bidding. But in reality, Lykoreius had stolen himself away and cured them as they slept, for he didn't want Alareiks to be punished, no matter if it was his own fault."

I was entranced by this tale. I was similar to the ones I'd been hearing my entire life, but it was so alien.

"Where was this?" I asked, rather abruptly. Svar just smiled into my salty (ew...) hair.

"Even the wind has forgotten..." His voice drifted into the rocking and splashing of the waves. "But back to the tale..." He nearly whispered as the trance like state fell upon both of us this time.

"This continued for a while, and Alareiks' name became so famous, he was thought of as a god, or at least an angel by some people. But as the increasing masses flocked to him to be cured, for a price, Lykoreius was growing even more and more exhausted because it takes some of your own energy to heal those who need it. So exhausted, one night he couldn't make it to heal the sick that kept flocking to Alareiks."

Svar took a dramatic breath,

"...and they died. Alareiks was troubled but immediately reassured everyone he would be able to continue healing, but now Lykoreius was so weak he was hardly able to stand up, much less heal the ever increasing number of ill people that continued to flock to Alareiks. People started dying instead of being healed. People were starting to wonder if Alareiks' healing powers had run out. In the back of Alareiks' own mind, he had considered the possibility that Lykoreius was the real healer and immediately sought him out. When he returned to his village, he was met face to face with a much frailer version of Lykoreius then he remembered. But that didn't stop him from challenging him to a duel. In his mind, Lykoreius was just setting him up for failure, and that was a disgrace he couldn't take. Amazingly, Lykoreius agreed."

Svar's voice sank even lower...

"A smile grew disgustingly wide on Alareiks' face. The townspeople begged and pleaded for Lykoreius to return to his bed and hopefully get stronger before the actual duel. But he waved them off, saying that a spirit as broken as Alareiks' would be easy to defeat in the flesh. And so they listened and gathered in the village square, waiting for the duel to begin. And sure enough, both men walked into the square when the faintest hints of sunset were shining. Alareiks wielded a great axe but Lykoreius did not have anything but a loincloth. The smile on Alareiks' face just grew even larger."

A new element was added to Svar's voice; it sounded like disgust. I couldn't blame him. Alareiks' was sounding like Aro, Caius and Markus combined.

"But a serene look was on Lykoreius'. Like he already knew the outcome of this duel. As the sun was almost past the horizon, they took their places; Alareiks' facing the sun, Lykoreius' back towards it. The village elders blessed the duel, so that the truly deserving man would be the victor. And they began. Alareiks immediately started swinging at Lykoreius with his axe but Lykoreius easily danced out of the way. They continued like that until the moon was slowly rising behind of Lykoreius. Finally Alareiks landed a painful blow to Lykoreius' face. He stumbled backwards and managed to roll out of the way as Alareiks smashed his axe down where his head just used to be. Alareiks was feeling really good...until Lykoreius stood up, looked him straight in the eye, and smiled. There was something wrong with his eyes, and his teeth. But never the less, Alareiks rushed him. Lykoreius somehow regained all of his lost strength and caught the axe mid-blow.

"Rules change..." He spat at Alareiks before a series of convulsions overtook him under the glowing moon. Alareiks stepped back and watched in horror as Lykoreius turned into the first werewolf. The villagers, too, were just as shocked and amazed. They could only stand there as Lykoreius jumped Alareiks and tore out his throat out and sucked out his blood. The villagers noticed Lykoreius' wolf form filling out, his muscles were getting larger and he didn't look so sickly anymore. Somehow, one of the elders had snapped out of his frozen state and pelted Lykoreius with a rather large rock. Lykoreius, too, snapped out of his feeding frenzy and ran away into the forests, never to be seen again."

Svar abruptly stopped. I had closed my eyes during the legend. But now I opened them, wondering why Svar had stopped. Then I noticed we weren't moving anymore, and that green trees blocked my view of the coming sun. We made it.

I slid myself off Svar's chest, my life raft, and tried standing. I was a little off-balance but I finally was able to stand by myself. The horizon was growing brighter and brighter by the second. The birds were chirping their morning calls, the squirrels and chipmunks were scurrying out of their dens while the nocturnal animals were settling back into their own. I heard some faint rustling far away accompanied by a familiar scent I couldn't yet recognize.

I looked back out to sea; to the waves, and the wind. I felt the wind blow through my matted hair. It was cold, but just like the water, everything felt cold. Until my eyes landed on Svar. His pitch black eyes were staring at me with such a focused glare, I felt like I was being sucked into a black hole. The delicate pinks of sunrise touched a deeper part of his eye than I could see and for a spilt second, I saw the monster he was so frightened of. But the convulsions of his shift came upon him directly afterwards. They didn't seem nearly as violent or painful.

The faint rustling was getting louder and louder, and I finally realized why that smell had seemed so familiar.

"Ah, shit."

The next thing I knew, there were seven huge wolves regimented in perfect formation in front of me. They phased in front of me as well.

Lets' see. Sam was in the front, Jacob was to his right. Jared was to his left and Embry, Collin, Quil and Brady were kind of their backup.

"Leah, thank God. We've been looking for you for weeks. Are you okay?"

I barely heard Jacob's voice.

Where was Svar? Dear God, he's phasing too.

I looked everywhere I could without bumping into any of my pack mates. When I saw Svar, I knew this would not be an easy ride for us in La Push.

God damn vampires.

**Nightwish, Nightwish, NIGHTWISH. Seriously, check these guys out. Then again, RANDOMESS…UNITE!! If you have some sort of erectile dysfunction…well, sucks for you. As you might be able to tell, I haven't slept much. SCHOOL is almost OUT. Praise what ever god/deity you do. Anyhoo, guten nacht. I also miss my German class. You dumb asses who think it's an ugly language, probably can't even speak English very well either. **

**And Quina, merry Christmas, happy friggin' new year, and a jolly good birthday.**

**I fell down the stairs, not up the stairs. If I were to fall up the stairs; then I'd of been upside down. And possibly inside out…**

**Who knows?**


	7. A Welcoming of Sorts

Sup...

7. A Welcoming of Sorts

"Leah? Are you okay? Earth to Leah?" said Jacob, always the concerned joker.

But as they followed my line of sight, their eyes landed on a convulsing Svar. His face was still in its half-wolf form, telling the pack that he wasn't really one of "our" werewolves. Inhumane growls and snarls were erupting from Svar's shifting throat. Every one of the Pack members said, "Holy shit!" at least once. His bones were echoing a horrid grinding sound. Probably from all the skeletal changes he went through. But behind the physical changes, there was something more. His voice became more and more pained, haunted, and more...human.

Sam and Jacob were currently speechless. But nothing mattered to me besides Svar's safety right now. Not even the disapproving stares of my brothers. Because without that huge reminder of our messed up lives RIGHT beside me, I felt half dead, like part of me was gone. It was horrible. I had no idea how Jacob was able to be away from Nessie. Or any of the wolves from their imprint.

I walked straight through their ranks, moving towards a terrified, now human Svar.

He was covered in sweat. Cold, chilling sweat. His breathing hardly slowed as I took tiny steps towards him. The rest of the pack stood speechless at my complete ignorance of their existence. Svar crawled backwards as best he could; his eyes awash with fear. Fear of what the pack might do to him.

"Hey. Hey! Hey Leah! We're still here!" I didn't even care whose voice that was. I was in my own cone of silence.

But slowly, as Svar focused on me, the trembling ceased and his midnight eyes faded into his irises, giving way to an ocean blue. An ocean of blue that made me smile in tranquility. And with that smile on my face, I looked into Svar's eyes; giving me strength.

I made my way to Svar's massive form. He looked like a new-born without its eyes; so helpless and dependant upon his caretaker. I had become that very thing. When I started taking larger steps towards him, they were speechless. Except for Jacob and Sam. Sam hissed me a warning. But Jacob was even more vocal.

"Who the… What the fuck is that? Leah! What the hell are you doing? Get back here!"

But I was still blocking everybody's voice out. There was no one besides Svar and myself. The trees danced along with us to the gentle sway of the wind and the pound of the familiar waves was our drum. The wolves gasped again as I wrapped my arms around Svar's trembling body. How fragile the beast was. How beautiful my beast was.

"Oh, god!" Came from an even more freaked out Collin.

Jared's face distorted into something that looked worse than Svar's worst snarl.

"What the hell, Leah!? He's a...freak!"

I could feel their stares like knives splitting my back into tiny pieces. Cutting straight through it to my heart. Thank god Svar was in my arms; otherwise I would have crumpled under everything. But I was feeling tears burn in my eyes.

Oh, please god! Don't let them see.

Then Svar lifted his rough hand up to my face and rested his forehead against mine. His blue eyes still held the majesty of a true wolf within them. There was hardly a human left in him. But I didn't need to love a human. I already loved Svar, the most beautiful freak I had ever met.

"I love you." I breathed.

Gasped erupted from all around us. I smiled. Svar was here, he was going to be free from his shackles of rage. But no one said anything while we held onto each other, we felt so alone. It wasn't a bad thing at all. The world could have imploded and I wouldn't have noticed until I was sent shooting through space, in pieces.

Then Jacob walked a few tentative steps toward us with his hands grasping the back of his head. Then he wiped his sweat caked forehead.

"Leah, what the fuck is going on?"

Don't let then see me cry...

Svar seemed to hear my thoughts and took my face in his hands. The hands that were so worn and yet could catch every one of my tears.

"It's okay. They'll understand."

Embry's voice permeated the air.

"What? What are we supposed to understand?

Frustration surged through his words.

But Svar's arms and his beating breast gave me strength.

To hell with all this confusion.

"I fell in love..." I breathed.

No gasps broke through the pack as realization sunk in throughout themselves. I heard footsteps approach behind me. Svar lifted his head up to see who was walking our way. But I could smell that it was Sam. His steps were tortured and troubled. I could almost feel the disturbed thoughts echoing out of his mind.

"You mean... you imprinted?"

I smiled at Svar, and he smiled back. Even in his human form, I could tell his teeth were slightly sharper than your average human. His trembling had long since stopped but the pack started to instead.

Why? This was a happy occasion. The joining of two souls and a reunion of the family. But we were encased in shame and confusion instead. But what the hell could I do? Send a post card? Hey guys, sorry for the breakdown, but what do ya know, I met the nicest werewolf. And not the "poof" you're a spirit warrior kind, the "Dear God! What the fuck is gnawing on my arm?!" kind.

And yet, none of this could even try to dampen my grin. Those ocean eyes had swallowed me so sweetly.

"I guess so..."

Again, everyone was speechless. I thought someone would try and say something to ease the tension in the air. Instead, they just left. I only heard their footsteps walking away, but Svar saw the whole thing. I could feel the tightening in his chest from such a blatant rejection.

I couldn't move. What they had just was almost as bad as betrayal. I had been the worst to react to Jake's imprintating, but I knew I couldn't do anything about it. Now they were just going to ignore my own? I didn't want to move. I wanted to be held. I wanted something that was without shape, without form; impossible to hold. I didn't even know what I wanted. I was so tired.

But I was too wired to sleep. Everything was collapsing around me. Why did everything that didn't make sense before seem crystal clear now? And why did everything that was previously so simple become incredibly confusing and possibly mind-boggling? I wanted my family but I needed Svar. Imprinters were supposed to only think about their imprintee. It was the epitome of trust and selflessness. Why did I have to think of myself? Was I really imprinted? Was my imprinting different because I was a woman?

I felt the arms around me and breathed in the musk filled air. I felt at peace when I did. There was no past or future when I was with Svar. There was only now. But as soon as I looked inward, all the fears, the insecurities, and the darkness of my own self flooded my being. I was losing this crazy head game with myself.

Score-one for psycho of the family! I thought bitterly. Now I was a schizophrenic lycanthrope who was in love another species of lycanthrope. God damn, 20/20 could spend an entire year to cover our family.

Screw this. I thought as I raised myself to my feet. I was going home. And home was now complete with Svar there beside me. I looked back down to that newly found puzzle piece of mine and smiled. I honestly didn't care about his dark past, or his violent behavior when the hunger seized his control; I only cared about what his future would be like. I guess he was a little like Nessie; was very rare in the immortal world and no one knew what he would become now that he was imprinted on.

Svar was watching me with a weird look on his face, "Where are you going?"

"I really have no idea. But would you come with me?" I asked, knowing his response already.

In the blink of an eye, he too was on his feet, gesturing me towards the woods that bordered the beach.

"Lead the way."

He was so sweet; I couldn't believe he was capable of slaughtering an entire herd of deer, or humans. I also couldn't help myself as I reached up on my tip toes and barely reached his lips with my own. He had to kneel down to help me, but I still reached them. Soon the kiss deepened and it took us a while to remember that we were still on Earth.

After I let go of his face, I starting walking towards the woods Svar had sent me toward. Taking a few steps, I noticed some things didn't seem right. In an attempt to find out what was going on, I flared my nostrils to get on the right path. I smelled everything, the salt, the woods, the dirt, some shit a deer had just gotten rid of and Svar. He enveloped my senses (again) and when I had finally remembered what I was doing, I came to a horrifying conclusion.

"Shit…" I muttered. Svar was immediately by my side.

"What is it?" The level of concern in his voice was staggering. I was touched so deeply, I felt like my organs were rearranging.

"We're going the wrong way…" I had grown up on this beach and I didn't know where I was going now? How long had I been gone?

Svar let a relieved chuckle escape his lips. "Then that's my fault; I led you astray."

I looked up into his eyes. "Any direction is perfect as long as you're right beside me." A kind smile wove its way onto Svar's face. A soft feeling wove its way into my heart. My rearranging organs were liking this.

And we went along again towards my home. Where ever that might be.

We walked hand in hand through the woods until we finally reached the interstate. It would be an easy walk home now. But we needed to stay confined to the woods. People would think it would be a little odd to see an eight foot tall beast of a man walking around an apparent death trap for a town. I always found it odd that we were the only community of spirit warriors trained to kill vampires and guess where one such family just happens to settle down? Right next door.

I breathed in, thinking, but content. I was just happy to hold a warm hand within my own. Svar's body temperature was a little lower than mine but it was still above that of an average human. And he noticed it apparently.

"Are you cold?" He asked for the third time since we got up.

I had laughed the first time, cringed the second, but now; I shoved him into a pile of leaves.

"I'm fine! For the third time! I'm fine!" I nearly screamed at him.

He looked at me, shocked. I put my hands on my hips and a determined look on his face. Then something changed. The glint in his eye was warmer and his mouth turned up into a poorly-concealed smirk. A gnawing feeling told me that was not a terribly good sign.

He jumped up, rushed me, quick as any vampire, and threw me to the ground. I would have screamed if not for the wad of leaves he was suddenly rubbing into my face. They were wet, slimy and probably had a worm on them. Now they were on my face. Happiness was no longer a feeling I was experiencing. I tried to get out from under him but his massive form was straddling me and my gut wasn't very happy about that either. Out of desperation I reached out and grabbed my own pile of leaves and thrust them in his face. I couldn't see him but I knew I'd hit my mark when my hand stopped almost right above me and a strangled yelp responded to my actions.

Immediately, I wrapped my legs around his and flipped him onto his back, still holding onto the leaves. He gasped for air around the mess I was currently shoving into his face and that unfortunately made him start choking.

Something inside didn't feel amiss though. Despite the obvious choking noises coming from Svar, the need to remove the leaves wasn't there. That realization made threw me into full panic mode.

Am I really imprinted? Why are his choking noises not affecting me? What the hell am I feeling now?

After the panic set in, I ripped the leaves out of his face.

His face was extremely dirty, as I imagined my own face to be, but the choking sound still persisted. I could clearly see that there was nothing in his mouth besides more dirt.

"Dear god, Svar! Are you okay?!" I screamed, my voice cracking numerous times. Now I was fighting back tears.

Thank you, insecure female imprinting hormones. In fact, thank you, hormones in general.

The choking sounds persisted. My panic just heightened with every piece of dirt flying out of his mouth. Then an even more surprising realization set in.

Svar was laughing.

"God damn, Svar! I was scared!" I screamed at him. He just kept laughing. I was going to kill the son of a bitch (in a loving, imprinted way…).

Taking an even bigger handful of leaves, I thrust them into his face. I didn't really care about his safety now.

But he kept laughing his choking laugh. Then, quite suddenly, I was laughing too. It just felt so good to finally break free and laugh. I'd been holding so much inside, so much pain, so much anger, I nearly melted at the relief I felt. I felt like a kid again. Running, playing and fighting with the guys I'd known since birth.

We kept thrusting leafs at each other, kept laughing and kept melting in a sea of serenity.

Finally, after waking the neighbors and a couple dead, we collapsed on each other. Forever together it seemed. How else should it seem?

I felt like a feather. I'd thought that imprinting made me feel wonderful; this was similar, but different. Imprinting had happened no matter what or why I was doing, but now, I'd accepted it. Everyone had told me because I was a woman, I was different and imprinting might not happen. They just didn't know. But then it did and even I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I had been telling myself that I wouldn't imprint and I tried to get over it. Now my life was flipping itself upside down and inside out. And I didn't like it. Then I did. Life was good.

Why do I keep having these revelations? Can't I just find my purpose and work with it?!

Probably not… Oh, well. It's all good.

**Sorry I haven't written but there are good reasons for that. I just need to remember them. I hope to get some more written before school starts but I am not promising anything. And Quina, I am very happy for your thirteenth chapter. I just didn't get to review due to the whole "can't review a chapter twice" rule. Okay, see ya later.**


	8. The Downbeat

**Holy shit I haven't written for-friggin-ever! So sorry about that but... I was lazy. What can I say? Happy Spring! YEAH! Read and review bitte!  
**

The sun was peaking over the tips of the fragrant evergreen trees, illuminating the new dew in shades of pink and yellow fit for a goddess. They were like little diamonds made just for us, falling like tears of joy. I feel the lightness of the world. It pulled me in, letting me float away on sweet breezes. The wind carried my soul away, and I was free within the sky. Who needs riches and money when you have the sunshine and a warm body for your own?

"Look." I motioned towards the sky. Svar pulled his torso off the ground searching for something he couldn't see yet. His eyes shone brightly, reflecting the dew drops and making them sparkle.

"What is it?" I scoffed at him.

"Really? It's the sun! It never comes out... kinda ever." I was bathed in its warmth and my skin tingled in anticipation even though I was never cold anymore. So I just cuddled into Svar's chest, washing away the memories from last night, only the bad ones. They were still there, but for now, the feeling was all that mattered. Everything was still there, it was just so insignificant.

We were together for whatever amount of time we had left. I could be a moment of a second or forever, because we had forever. Our forever was right now and was the only time we cared about. It was an odd feeling, time used to mean everything to everyone. Because everyone was gonna die. Even vampires occasionally thought about what would be on the other side of the fire or what color the sky is when you're looking down on it. Or if it was worth it; if it was all worth something to anyone.

And all the doubts were washed away. It was a new day, a sunny day too. Born from storm and tears, they turned into liquid diamonds dripping form the forest's leaves and held me with warm bands of steel. It was bliss.

B- For the bad times

L- For the love

I- For the irony

S- For the song in my heart

S- For the salvation

The forest slowly unfurled it's open arms, embracing us in the majesty that was it's love. Screw Darwin and the survival of the fittest; the whole struggle of life. Here there was only harmony in the air. How else could it be singing through my veins?

My breath became deeper as I took the sunshine into my lungs and let it out, adding my warmth and heat to the forest around us. For those weeks I'd lived through the wolf and felt the dance of the trees, I'd never added myself or my love to it. Now, I was completely immersed within it.

I threw my own life into the melody. I let it grow; watched as the harmonies intertwined and the felt the downbeat stretch on for our forever. When it ended, our world would be over; we were just on a breath of the universe. A beautiful journey like the a flower unfurling. And when it closed, when we closed, another one would be opened.

Nothing had ever been so clear to me. Even though it was all still shrouded in the gold of spring. I could smell the sunshine and hold the air.

"Do you hear it?" I whispered, softer than the dew sliding down the pine needles. Svar lifted his face to the sunshine, the one I had lost myself in the rhythm that I had danced to as a wolf, but never as perfectly as this one.

"I can feel it..." He put his hand on his neck, finding his pulse, "In...in, in here!" Svar eyes sprung open, glistening with tears.

"Whoa! I didn't ask for a girly man!" I mocked him, even though I probably just shoved my entire leg into my mouth.

Instead, he roars, well more like howls, in laughter. "I've lived long enough to know that a little tear and there is not the end of the world." He smirked.

I couldn't help but put my lips over his own, letting the tears fall onto my face too. We were cleansing our bodies of all the pain made by our brokenness. Filling the voids within our new heart. But just like the memories, they would always be there for another time. It's what makes us alive; human... almost. The kiss lingers between us, comforting each other more than leading to anything intimate. There was a time for that but now we focused on the healing. We break for a second. Just long enough for the words to spill out of my mouth before anything can stop me.

"I love you..." Wow, Leah be real pretty with the letter phrases today! Still, I had said it, and meant it. Svar's eyes sparkled just a little brighter.

"You're the one thing in my life that's actually made any sense. The one thing that I've ever been sure of." He whispered back into my ear.

I didn't even realize I was leaning towards him until my lips were firmly situated back on his mouth. My mind was swimming. I was soaring through the trees. The sun was my mother. The wolf, my father and my soul was free. I was forgetting how to breathe. Not that was gonna be a problem any time soon. But it would happen too soon. Always too soon.

I pulled away, trying to catch my breath. But Svar just followed me, so I was left gasping in his face.

_Very graceful and attractive._ I thought, embarrassed. _Not to mention perfectly sanitary..._

Speaking (sort) of hygiene, I noticed for the first time just how big of a mess we were. Not a "Well... I've got some dirt under my finger nails" or "Wow, my hair is a little greasy" sort of way. I'm talking about the doctors in the bio-hazard suits scrubbing you down with toothbrushes and high powered hoses in those special blue tunnels. We were caked in salt, covered in dirt and topped off with leaves, twigs, pebbles and god knows what else. If us wolves didn't have super smell powers (which can tell you a lot of things you'd rather never know) I'm pretty sure the pack wouldn't have been able to recognize me. Like right now, there were two squirrels failing at safe sex. And Svar, he hasn't used any kind of modern soap...sniff...sniff... ever.

But I cannot get enough of his smell. It's intoxicating to the level of those frebreez commercials. I'm embarrassed and extremely aroused by it at the same time. Thank god we're covered in things I'd rather not know about otherwise I'd be licking Svar up and down his huge chest. Maybe'd I'd leave a couple teeth marks in him too...

WHOA!

WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?

Shit... Like my life couldn't be more ADD. I hadn't had thoughts like that since I'd first started missing my periods and then discovered that I just wasn't having them anymore. Not like I'd been a prude or anything. I had to shape shift in front of at least a dozen sex-deprived horny teenagers every fucking day. And apparently that wasn't a bad thing for them. I nearly ate Jared the day he pissed me off just to peek a look as I exploded out of my shirt. He thought a normal PMSing Leah was bad. He learned REALLY quickly that a MENOPAUSAL WEREWOLF Leah was like comparing Bella to a psychotic meth-addicted rabid bear whose just been castrated by a member of the Palin Family.

Days like those made the boys realize why you don't fuck with a girl. Especially me. She'd (I'd) eat their hearts out... with steak sauce.

I came back from my hormonal joy ride to our sunlit wood feeling confused and actually... horny again. Not that I was phased by that. It did feel good to feel something new again despite that confusing undertones that came from having a mate now.

Damn, just when I thought we'd take things slow. Oh well, I'm not a teenage boy; I can control myself.

I looked up at Svar and his deeply blue eyes. I wanted to swim in them and never emerge again because somehow I'd always have enough breath to last a lifetime with him. Then he looks down at me and it's just us again. No fucking squirrels or raging hormones. Just too souls at peace.

He leaned down to rest his cracked lips on my just as dry ones one more time. We're suspended in time. Stuck between heaven and earth where there is no pain but there is the desire, the passion that drives us all. It makes our voices sing, our feet dance and our hearts beat to the universe's dance. Like the flower blooming, like the world ending, like the wolf being born, it holds us in that state for only a moment before we have to go. Otherwise we'd float all the way to heaven and leave our lives unfinished and our souls yearning for more. So down we come.

I just wish it wasn't to the padding tattoo of a dozen impulsive teenagers.

Svar heard them coming first. His eyes snapped open and he froze. He didn't move a muscle (even though he was still attached to my face). He became just another stone in the forest, lifeless and observant, but I could see the wolf clawing itself out. I pulled away to study his face. I'd seen it before.

"Svar? What is it?" I asked naively. What the hell else could it be except for the in-laws?

They were on a mission. They're tracking a scent and my next pair of new shoes says it's not sparkly smelling. And they were speeding up. All those months in the forests stretching across most of northern North America taught me something. Fast = danger.

Even if it's just a mouse is running towards you, it's probably more concerned with the bigger animal chasing it. And if that bigger animal happens to be bigger than you... Just be sure to run faster than that mouse.

Svar remained perfectly still. But I wasn't ready to submit to my brothers. I would be forever on my feet, forever pointing towards the sky. I heard them come. I smelled their hot breath in the air and felt the earth vibrate from their powerful paws. Their breath was ragged and their hearts were pumping hot blood. I knew they wouldn't want to talk in human form, they were too far gone into their wolves.

So I let the wolf flash out of me. There was no transition. One moment I was Leah, the pitied and dumped little girl. The next I was Leah, the fastest wolf in the pack; the most vicious. A sister to the brotherhood. A protector to the tribe. I started to hone my ears...

Bump

BuTHUMP

BaThumBumThaBaBaBaDumThump...

One, Two, ..., Five, ..., Eight.

There were eight of them.

_Why such a crowd?_ I asked telepathically, with a definite swagger to my train of thought. The whole hearing each others thoughts was a handy tool but seriously annoying when you've got the ADDs. And when you've got secrets.

That stopped them in their tracks. I could feel their muscles groan and their tired lungs breathing hard to keep up with the boys inside them.

I sniffed the air. Thank god I was downwind, they couldn't smell me at all. I always like to surprise people. It just made you feel in control. Something my life has seriously been without these days.

_Seth? Hey! How's Mom? And Charlie I guess..._ I was so happy to smell that damp little puppy again. He looked so small in comparison to some of the other wolves. Almost cute. That was until he rushed me.

I'm not sure if he wanted to crash into me or was too stupid to slow down. What ended up was a big tangle of fur and paws with me lying on my back, cursing in pain. But he was so elated to see me I almost got as excited as he was. Until he started using his big red tongue to show just how happy he was to see me. That pissed me off even more.

_Leah! Oh my God! Where the hell have you been? I'm so happy to see you! When Jacob said he had run into you I just had to come an..._

_Seth! Get the fuck off me! You're slobbering all over me! _That just made the other wolves snicker and bark in laughter. God I wanted to bite his tongue off. I wondered if that was considered french kissing my brother.

_Seriously! Go hump a tree!_ Jared found that particularly hilarious and kept howling and howling and...

TWACK! SNAP! CRACK!

One moment my brother was giving me a very personal insight into what his future girlfriends (if he gets any) will have to put up with, and the next, he's making himself very comfortable through the truck of a tree. I was pretty sure I heard bones snap. I looked to see what had happened. I didn't smell any vampire but my muzzle was blocking my view of whatever had thrown Seth right off me. I moved my muzzle an inch and saw my little brother completely knocked out with his stupid drool tainted with deep red rivulets of blood seeping through his mouth. I guess I should have known what to find next.

I saw Svar, in all his wolf man glory, bounding towards my Sethy. There was murder in his eyes.

Time stopped. For one moment, cause that's all I really needed, I thought solely of my brother. I remembered when he was born and wouldn't shut up for the life of him. I remembered riding bikes with him when he skinned his small little knees and blood cascaded down his pencil-skinny legs. I remembered the first time he'd shifted and I was let in on some family heritage, after we cleaned up the mess. But last of all, I remembered the big red tongue sliding across my face as I swore to bite his tongue off if he didn't stop.

And then I was screaming. The sun had finally fallen behind the tapestry of gray like usual. How brief the light lasts.

There was silence where I was. I could feel my voice bounce off the trees and even off the air itself, but there was no sound to it. It was as if my mind was just a wall and nothing could get past it. There was only the encroaching bleakness of this place and my poor Seth slowly bleeding away. I was alone, again.

And it frightened me.

I didn't care that I was human again, or frankly, when that happened. I was alone. I was cut off from my family, the telepathy had been severed, and Svar was losing control again. I'd had murder in my heart before, but I'd never acted upon it. How could Svar even think of... and then I realized something.

It's not about you.

You can't decide what you're going to feel. You were never in control That's what makes life suck.

And what makes it so fucking beautiful.

I loved Svar because I had met the tortured man behind the ferocious exterior. And I had hated the Cullens because I had refused to see the humanity in them. But I didn't choose to feel those things. God, if I could change what I felt, I wouldn't have had such a bad breakup with Sam, I wouldn't have left the pack and I wouldn't have met Svar.

Then again, Seth wouldn't be a bloody pulp.

Above me, the world was turning faster and my ears started to ring.

_Not him. Not my little brother. _I'd already lost my dad, I couldn't lose my brother.

My eyes were filmed with tears. I couldn't see a goddamn thing. But I could smell the metallic sting of Seth's blood on the air. I could feel his heart gush blood out of his system when he needed it so desperately. I ran for him.

I ran over rocks that pierced my callused feet, logs that snapped under the force of my legs and earth that quaked every leap I made. My pain was nothing compared to Seth's. I didn't even notice Svar paralyzed in fear as I ran past him to get to my brother.

I scooped him up in my arms. He should have been heavier but he was already shifting back to his human form.

"SHIT! NO NO NO NO! STAY WITH ME SETH!" I screamed. But everything was muffled to my own ears.

_I need to get to the Cullens... _

But I had lost all sense of direction. The sun was no longer visible to guide me and everyone was frozen in shock. There was no time for this.

_Fuck it._

I slung Seth over my right shoulder and, having finally noticed Svar, I grabbed his arm and dragged him along with me since his legs had stopped working. I inhaled deeply, searching for that one scent I found so disgusting. The one that made my spine tingle and my rage explode.

I smelled deeply. To my right, to my left and finally behind me.

Not a damn thing.

I did it again. And again. And a fucking gain.

I couldn't focus any longer. I felt Seth's breathing slow down even more. I could feel the blood soak into all the shit that I was already covered in. I felt sick thinking about wearing my brother's blood like some kind of statement even though I wasn't. It just made me feel guilty.

I was supposed to protect him. I was supposed to be the responsible one.

_Don't think! Don't even try... Just breathe... _Then I turned around and breathed again. _NOT A FUCKING THING! _I was bordering on homicidal maniac when I felt the tug of hatred right in front of me.

_This way..._

I bolted. It would have been faster in wolf form but I was close enough. Svar could barely hold on. Even though something told me he didn't want to go anywhere near the tug of infernal rage that I was sure he felt too, I pulled him harder.

"I don't care what you did or what you feel right now! OKAY! COME ON!" I screamed at him. Reality was crashing down on me but it was still a long ways off. As soon as I got to the Cullens, they would patch Seth up just fine.

I just needed to keep running.

My legs were burning, my heart was racing and the ringing in my ears was still sending aftershocks through my head. But I was getting closer. I could actually smell the vampires and their lie of normality.

_Keep hatred out of this... No room for grudges... No time..._

There was never enough time. We obsess over it. We try to rewind it, to make it last longer, or pass faster. But does it ever obsess over us? Probably not, even though we're the only ones keeping track of it on this world.

_Ungrateful bastards..._

The house was in view. Seth's heart was still pumping, but it was slowing down a lot. Too much. Svar's, on the other hand, was about to burst through his chest. I could feel the gooseflesh ripple across his skin.

_"Vampires..."_ He hissed.

"Yeah, I don't like them either but they're the only ones that can help Seth so suck it up!"

That sent his blood running cold. He didn't know this werewolf pup was my brother but he knew I would do anything for him. Even bring him to vampires. He knew he fucked up really bad.

_EDWARD! WHERE THE FUCK IS CARLISLE? _

I saw a bronze head of hair peek out the window, his eyes go wide and then scramble upstairs. We were nearly there...

_Hold on Seth... Do this for big Sis..._

I shot across the meadow behind the Cullen's house. Svar was breathing out of tempo and I knew his chest must have been aching. I always was the fastest.

Edward already had the door opened for us when we reached the house. He was wearing khakis and a fucking pullover. Do vampires ever take a fucking day off?

_Don't get pissed. Now is soo not the time._

"Carlisle is ready for you upstairs." Edward called as I bolted through the threshold and up the stairs. I heard a large crash as Svar probably broke the doorway because I never let go of his arm. If I hadn't been so focused on Seth, I would have heard Edward's gasp and felt Alice's scream of terror rip through the household. Instead, I was focused on Seth's currently human state and the blood flowing down his spine.

I ran into Carlisle's office, which was doubling as an operating room. I suddenly stopped right in front of the table causing my head to spin. There was so much going on. Renesmee was bawling like the child she should be, Esme was frozen in a state of panic and Alice was dry heaving going into hysterics.

"I can't see anything Jasper! It's just gone! I close my eyes and all there is is black! What the hell is go..."

I drowned it all out. I gently placed Seth on the sterile table. He looked really bad. His face was swollen and at least half his ribs were broken.

I was supposed to protect him.

I looked at his cherub face, well, cherub enough, and tousled his black hair. Then I took his head and turned it to the side, letting all the blood drain out.

Carlisle was dressed in his white coat and white gloves, white mask and white hair cap. Everything was sterile and smelled of bleach. Maybe I was just imagining the smell. Didn't matter anyway. The only thing that mattered was the boy on the table.

My little brother...

"Is he going to be alright, doc?" I ask, my voice to tired to shake.

Carlisle took on look at him at looked back at me.

"I hope..." He muttered, either too shocked at Seth's state or just unsure of the extent that werewolves could head naturally.

_I hope..._ I though as I left the room, still pulling Svar's arm. Blood was pooling around my fingers. Yep, I had broken Svar's skin. I was covered in blood, shit and mats of hair. All I had wanted was a fairy tale. A belated one but a fairy tale none the less. I had felt the world sing in my veins and danced to the subtlest melody. Now it was over.

tap...

There it was. It was so soft I had nearly missed it.

The downbeat of the world. This world was ending, hopefully the next one end better. Hopefully...

_I hope for a fairy tale end..._


	9. Red

**I'm sorry if I seem to be a bit bi-polar and that I'm leaving huge gaps in characters but I'm trying to piece it all together in the end. So just be patient please! **

I remember seeing my brother on the table. Gazing at his broken body slowly piecing itself back together with Dr.'s help. And then I remember being told to leave so that Carlisle could do his work. Like my brother was just another project; done when the clock struck five. I remember leaving the room with the familiar taste of bile in my mouth. I kept telling myself that Carlisle was good. But was he good enough?

I clenched my fists harder in what felt like fear. I felt muscles flex on my palm and warm blood flow across my hand and drip onto the completely sterile carpet. My mind tried to figure out where exactly it was coming from. Behind my eyes, I was swimming in fog and haze. Lifting my chin up, I saw those midnight blue eyes trying to reach my soul. They must not have known it was still on that cold steel operating table. The pack wasn't too far behind, their padded approach was getting closer and closer.

How the hell was I supposed to explain Svar?

Should I even be the one to do it?

"Why did you do it?" I asked, my voice too soft to human ears. Alice had calmed herself and Renesmee was being comforted by Jasper's patented "emotion control" technique. Svar just stared at me, confused.

Why the hell was he confused? The pack was my family. You don't attack family!

"Do what?" His confusion deepened.

"Are you fucking serious? You ran him through a bloody tree!" I screamed.

Edward and Bella snapped their angry expressions in my direction.

"Language! Not in this house!" They yelled simultaneously.

Really? They even scolded in sync? I mouthed "what" in their direction and restarted ignoring them. Screw Renesmee's innocence. She had to listen to a friggin vampire fuck-fest every night. No amount of counseling can ever help her now. She's officially scarred for life. I had other things to focus on. One of them being considerably larger than an already 4-foot tall Renesmee.

"He attacked you. I thought he was going to kill you..." All the vampires in the house turned towards Svar's impossibly deep voice. It sounded like his voice box had deteriorated beyond all use. Rage swirled through my mind, everything was going red again.

"He's my brother..." Jasper flinched at my tone. Rage was taunting my wolf out again. No one could see, but my hair was already thickening. Svar froze up again. Then disgust twisted his face into a mask of utter abhorrence.

"Why would he try to attack you?" Shit. I really didn't want this whole situation to be over a huge misunderstanding.

"He wasn't! He was just saying hello in his own demented manner!" I could hear the rest of the pack running through the ruined doorway. They hadn't even cared to put their shorts back on. I would've smiled at Bella's prudish gasp if I wasn't so intently focused on Svar. We were both quivering in anger and Jasper couldn't keep Renesmee's fear under control. There was so much anger and confusion, I was surprised he hadn't snapped yet. When Renesmee started to bawl, it brought us both back to the current situation. Svar sneered at the whole family of vampires.

"Then why did you bring your brother here? In this house of death! You think they can save his life when all they do is kill?" His voice was coated in cold hatred.

"I resent that stereotype..." Emmett murmured from the couch. Everyone shot their gazes over to his sorry attempt at lightening the mood. Normally I knew he would have just returned to watching what ever sport was playing on their "I've got a thousand channels just so I don't get bored channel surfing" TV, but Svar's presence seemed to unnerve everybody. He just sat there, nose crinkled, staring at us.

Tension still swirled through the air like a hurricane. Things appeared to under a blanket of control for now. We were all so tired and just waiting for an excuse to leave. The wolf receded back into my heart and Edward and Bella were holding a quivering Renesmee. Alice was the only one still freaking out.

"It's all black! There's nothing when I close my eyes!" She cried.

All Jasper could do was whisper, "It's gonna be alright. I know it's scary but just don't close your eyes, just look at me. Good, just like that." in her ear. His calming effects seemed to be under a lot of strain and was struggling to keep everything relatively peaceful. Still, Emmett had stopped the situation from getting out of hand.

Svar just sneered at them, but there was nothing he could do. I doubt even he could take on eight wolves, seven vampires and a half-breed. For now at least, the tension had lessened and all we could do was wait for Carlisle to work his magic.

For now, all was silent. Except for Edward but that was his own problem.

I should of known it was only the calm before the storm.

Esme was the first one to speak up.

"Here, lets get all of you showered and in some clean clothes." Then she took one look at Svar, all his tallness and added, "Alice, could you help me fix something up for our newest guest?"

Alice looked up from her fetal position. She seemed so pained and lost, like a concrete angel who'd had her wings broken off and would never be able to fly again. But the Cullen resolve, that never gave up even in the worst of situations, burned in her eyes. She looked at Jasper, venom gathering in her eyes, and slowing bade them to shut. The moment her lids fully closed, she snapped them open and inhaled sharply.

What the hell was going on with her?

"Alice? Could you help me?" Esme's voice sang from downstairs.

Alice's pixie face betrayed the terror flooding her system. But she somehow managed to raise herself with Jasper's help and he supported her all their way down the stairs.

Svar crouched and hissed, "Witch!" at Alice when she got too close. I swore he bared his fangs a little. I didn't like vampires anymore than Svar did but he didn't need to be such an ass when they were trying to help. They were even gonna give us showers!

"Svar!" I scolded as I elbowed his torso, forcing him back a couple paces. His fairly human face contorted into something between an animalistic growl and a cry of pain. A strained gasp escaped his throat. His skin darkened and his face snapped into a muzzle.

_Shit._

I could feel the ripple off his skin like a lightning strike. Svar's skin literally tore off his body with the force of his shift. Jasper's scream echoed throughout the whole of the household. His minimal control of our emotions had finally broke. Unbound rage flooded the Cullen's house like wildfire.

_God, there is going to be some massive property damage today..._ Was all I could think as the wolf inside tore through my insides, forcing its way into this world. The sheer strength of the shift shoved all human thought to the very back of my mind. The wolf was irate like I had never felt. I had lost all control.

A grizzled shout cleared my throat as I felt it become more and more like a howl. Through distant ears, I heard all of the other wolves make the same strained noise as seven young men became bear-sized wolves. My muscles bulged and my bones nearly spurted out of my skin. But all I could feel was the rage. It burned in my blood and set my heart on fire. If I had lips, they would be twisted into the visage of a psychopath.

My vision was tinted red and I couldn't feel anything except for my pounding heart. For a split second, which was hopefully long enough, I screamed at Edward to get his family out of the house. It was a lost cause to try and stop this. The rage took complete control of me.

When I lost any small measure of sanity, I planted my feet, digging claws into carpet, and sprang. Fangs bared and paws extended, I smashed into Svar with all the force I could muster. Which was a lot. But he was hardly phased by it and shoved me over the railing and down onto the new grand piano. I was just thankful I hadn't crushed any of the Cullen's to little bits of plaster dust.

Pain seared through my side and knocked the wind right out of me. I'd felt pain like this before when we beat the shit out of those psycho redhead's newborns. It was nothing I couldn't handle. But I just couldn't breathe as Svar grabbed onto the railing, climbed onto it and sprang. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward rushing everyone out of the living room and hopefully to safety. My eyes were starting to water.

_Thank you..._

A little eye contact was all I needed for recognition. Others didn't need to die because of our werewolf rage. Now, if only I could start breathing. If only a werewolf wasn't crashing down on my already trashed ribcage. And if only the room would stop spinning for just a second or two...

_Who turned off the lights?_

_Fuck..._

* * *

_God, what the fuck is that taste in my mouth?_

My chest felt like it had been crushed by a friggin steamroller and then a dead animal gave birth right next to my face. I was more tired than I had ever been in my entire life. More mentally than physically but it was still pretty bad. It was as if life had rushed through me and left in a single breath. I picked through the scattered memories of last night and came up with red.

Red for Seth's blood, red for the rage and red for the pain in my still aching side.

This was the worst morning breath I'd ever had. I felt like throwing up when my mouth already tasted like vomit. My body didn't feel much different. It was like I'd been but through a wood chipper and stapled back together. It was hard to find the strength, not to mention motivation, to open my eyes. What I saw didn't really surprise me but it didn't make me too happy either.

Sam and Jacob's packs were all at attention outside. It looked like some kind of cult ceremony really. Jacob, Sam, Jared and some of the older wolves were standing around a chained Svar and I had been so lovingly moved on the pretty much intact couch. The living room was completely destroyed. There were holes throughout the drywall and some of it had been torn right off the joints like wallpaper. Glass and wood littered the carpet and the windows had been completely smashed. Nothing a week or two of extreme house building couldn't fix.

Sam and Jacob had the kind of bruised knuckles that didn't come from regular rough housing with each others packs. They had been beating on Svar. Still, I didn't feel that angry. It was all used up last night. Then Jared's amazingly annoying voice pealed through my still relative peaceful state.

"Why did you try to kill him! Huh, freak! Answer me!"

Bone met flesh. Chains rattled and blood was spat.

_God dammit... _

I was so not in the mood for this shit. _  
_

"Where's the vamp family?" I asked, my voice gravely and a little pissed.

Jacob turned around, surprise in his eyes. I felt a little hurt at first but then remembered I never really put the poor boy at ease. I think I just annoyed the crap out of him.

_That's his issue. Not mine. _

"Uh... They're still here... Uh, most of them went hunting but we promised to have this mess cleaned up by the time they got back." His tone was just a tad too condescending for my taste as I looked into his face stained with pride. He must not have realized that the not totally pissed off Leah can still be the bitch Leah.

"Well, you'd better start now cause otherwise I'm gonna make a much larger one out of you." I stated as I pulled myself off the couch. I saw bloodstains where I'd just gotten up that even vampire venom wouldn't get out. Or maybe it would, it just might take the upholstery with it too. I tried stretching but the pain in my ribcage stopped any thoughts of that right in their tracks. At least the bruises weren't as bad as I thought they'd be. Then I saw the wolves ducking their eyes when I looked towards them.

_Shit, I'm naked._

"Oh, come on. Stop staring like the sex-deprived teenagers you are." Now I was just a little bit pissed. I'd made up my mind and Svar was getting out of those chains. I tried to punch through the line of wolves surrounding Svar but I was met with quite a lot of resistance. So I tried pushing harder.

"Whoa! Hold it Leah, you'll get your turn with him later. Right now, we're taking care of him. Okay?"

Did Sam really just say what I think he said? Fuck, this is not how I wanted shit to turn out.

"You think I want to beat Svar up? Are you fucking crazy? I want to get him out of those chains you forced him in!" That got the wolves going.

"No no no no no no. We can't let you do that." Quil interjected.

"Oh, yeah? Who tells you what I can and can't do?" My blood was getting hotter.

"That'd be me. I am your Alpha." Jacob motioned.

_Fuck that!_ He didn't have shit over me.

"Yeah, I've got a bit of a theory about that..." I mentioned dreamily. I did, but it was more a thought than an actual theory.

"So enlighten us, Oh Bitch." Every wolf turned to face Jared. God, that boy had a mouth, even with Kim to cool his hothead. I wanted to tear so many things out of him right then. But that would just lead to another funeral.

"Alright... While every real wolf pack has an Alpha male, they also have an Alpha female. But I'm the only female, which makes me an Alpha too, just not to you guys. Sooo, I don't need to take shit from you cause we're essentially equals. Dominance wise. Now go fuck off and let me unchain Svar!"

It made pretty good sense to me. Ever since I really cared, I realized Jacob or Sam never really had as much sway over me as they did the other wolves. And then I started to disobey orders. Half of orders really. But I could still get away with things no other wolf could even try to do.

"Whoa! Hold on there. Even if that's in any way true. I can't just let you free a monster that almost killed one of our brothers! How could anyone do something like and you just let them get away with it? He's a monster and doesn't belong here." Sam preached. Too bad I'd turned from his religion a looong time ago.

"Yeah? He didn't know you guys weren't trying to kill me! He was just protecting me. But you tore up Emily's face pretty badly and everyone understands perfectly." Yep, I just used the Emily card.

_Don't hate me! I still love you and your muffins!_

Silence. And very non-movement like action was taking place.

Very quietly, I pushed the statue like Jacob and Sam out of the way and walked over to Svar. I knelled down and lifted his face up. There was blood spattered on his chin and cheeks. I was so gonna kill Jared. In a kind, friendly and non-lethal way just for Kim.

His eyes were focused on the floor, frightened to look in mine. I knelt down in front of him, moving slowly, gently. I brought his chin up to face me. I couldn't help but smile when I looked at him despite all shit we've dug ourselves into. Svar's body visibly tensed and then just dropped. He was tired too. I couldn't help but bring my lips to catch his. Everything was going to be alright. Even with all these messed up things swirling around us. Everything was going to be alright.

"Hey, come on." Was all I needed to say.

He came back to life. The chains above his head snapped like they had been made out of tin foil rather than reinforced titanium (rich vampires). The wolves eyes nearly popped out of their skulls. Those chains would've immobilized the average vampire not to mention any of us.

His feet caught his massive form as he started to fall forward. I crawled under his arm and pulled him onto my shoulder. I was gonna take him upstairs for a shower at long last when Sam suddenly caught my arm as we passed through the still existent gap between him and Jacob. Svar growled protectively but refrained from any aggressive action.

_Okay, progress point but God, I'm gonna have to teach him the meaning of words..._

"It's okay." I told him. I was a big girl.

I turned to face Sam's hard gaze. "You know what you're doing?"

I had to smile. "Absolutely not..."

A tiny red glint reflected in Sam's eyes.

Red was the color of two hearts becoming one.

**Booya! Fastest update ever! Gimme some lovin!**


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